Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Philosophical quotes-Best life

The life of theoretical philosophy is the best and happiest a man can lead. Few men are capable of it (and then only intermittently). For the rest there is a second-best way of life, that of moral virtue and practical wisdom.
- Aristotle, Metaphysics

Love quotes-Lovely

Never marry but for love; but see that thou lovest what is lovely.
- William Penn (1644 - 1718)

Hilarious jokes-Parking on both sides

"Here in New York City we celebrate Presidents Day by allowing people to park on both sides of the street."
- David Letterman

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Famous people quotes-Philosophical discussions

Philosophical discussions habitually make men happy and joyful not frowning and sad.
- de Montaigne

Sexual quotes-Snowstorm

A student undergoing a word-association test was asked why a snowstorm put him in mind of sex. He replied frankly: "Because everything does."
- Honor Tracy

Sarcastic quotes-Avoid politics

Santorum says that Satan has his sights set on the United States of America. And today Satan said he tries to avoid politics because it makes him feel dirty.
- Jay Leno

Monday, February 27, 2012

Famous movie quotes-If God did not want

“If God did not want them shorn, he would not have made them sheep.”
— The Magnificent Seven

Hilarious quotes-Best husband

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
- Agatha Christie

Political quotes-Presidents Day

"Happy Presidents Day. We have a lot of Presidents Day sales. Mitt Romney got a little confused. He thought the presidency was for sale."
- Jay Leno

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Positive thoughts-Eight Gifts that do not cost a penny

Eight Gifts that Do Not Cost a penny!

But you must REALLY listen.
No interrupting, no daydreaming,
No planning your response.
Just listening.

Be generous with appropriate hugs,
Kisses, pats on the back, and handholds.
Let these small actions demonstrate the
Love you have for family and friends.

Clip cartoons.
Share articles and funny stories.
Your gift will say, "I love to laugh with you."

It can be a simple
"Thanks for the help" note or a full sonnet.
A brief, handwritten note may be remembered
For a lifetime, and may even change a life.

A simple and sincere,
"You look great in red,"
"You did a super job,"
Or "That was a wonderful meal"
Can make some one's day.

Every day, go out of your way
To do something kind.

There are times when we want nothing better
Than to be left alone.
Be sensitive to those times and give
The gift of solitude to others.

The easiest way to feel good is
To extend a kind word to someone.
Really, it's not that hard to say,
Hello or Thank You.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

George Eliot quotes-Eternal marriage

Little children are still the symbol of the eternal marriage between love and duty.
- George Eliot

Philosophical quotes-The road

The road was new to me, as roads always are going back.
- Sarah Orne Jewett, The Country Road of Pointed Firs, 1896

Friday, February 24, 2012

Hilarious quotes-Glue

"How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?"
- Rita Rudner

Positive quotes-Hip pocket

She gave me a smile I could feel in my hip pocket.
- Raymond Chandler

Sarcastic quotes-Go Big

President Obama urged men to "go big" for Valentine's Day. In fact, Obama bought Michelle the nicest bracelet China's money can buy.
- Jimmy Fallon

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Sarcastic quotes-Lousy two percent

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It`s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then - we elected them.
- Lily Tomlin

Famous people quotes-Wear a smile

Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles.
- George Eliot

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Marriage quotes-Many times

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.
- Mignon McLaughlin

Sexual quotes-Same sounds

Isn't it interesting how the sounds are the same for an awful nightmare and great sex?
- From the television show The Golden Girls

Political quotes-Chinese vice president

The Chinese vice president visited President Obama at the White House yesterday. That shows how different China is from us. In China, the vice president is actually important.
- Jay Leno

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Thought for the day-Confuses

A smile confuses an approaching frown.

Famous people quotes-Somebody

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
- Lily Tomlin

Sarcastic quotes-Domestic violence

The son of Hugh Hefner has been arrested on a charge of domestic violence. When he heard this, Hugh Hefner said, "Son, there's a right way and a wrong way to disrespect women."
- Conan O'Brien

Monday, February 20, 2012

Sexual quotes-Paying

When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave.

Friendship quotes-Before

The best time to make friends is before you need them.
- Ether Barrymore

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Thoughts-Choosing a successor

An emperor in the Far East was growing old and knew it was time to choose his successor. Instead of choosing one of his assistants or his children, he decided something different. He called young people in the kingdom together one day. He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next emperor. I have decided to choose one of you."

The kids were shocked! But the emperor continued. "I am going to give each one of you a seed today. One very special seed. I want you to plant the seed, water it and come back here after one year from today with what you have grown from this one seed. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next emperor!"

One boy named Ling was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his mother the story. She helped him get a pot and planting soil, and he planted the seed and watered it carefully. Every day he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other youths began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Ling kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. 3 weeks, 4 weeks, 5 weeks went by. Still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants but Ling didn't have a plant, and he felt like a failure. Six months went by, still nothing in Ling's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed.

Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Ling didn't say anything to his friends, however. He just kept waiting for his seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the youths of the kingdom brought their plants to the emperor for inspection. Ling told his mother that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But honest about what happened, Ling felt sick to his stomach, but he knew his mother was right.

He took his empty pot to the palace. When Ling arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other youths. They were beautiful in all shapes and sizes. Ling put his empty pot on the floor and many of the other kinds laughed at him. A few felt sorry for him and just said, "Hey nice try."

When the emperor arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted the young people. Ling just tried to hide in the back. "What great plants, trees and flowers you have grown," said the emperor. "Today, one of you will be appointed the next emperor!" All of a sudden, the emperor spotted Ling at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered his guards to bring him to the front. Ling was terrified. "The emperor knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me killed!"

When Ling got to the front, the Emperor asked his name. "My name is Ling," he replied. All the kids were laughing and making fun of him. The emperor asked everyone to quiet down. He looked at Ling, and then announced to the crowd, "Behold your new emperor! His name is Ling!" Ling couldn't believe it. Ling couldn't even grow his seed. How could he be the new emperor?

Then the emperor said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone here a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds, which would not grow. All of you, except Ling, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Ling was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new emperor!"

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Philosophical quotes-Noise

A thing, until it is everything, is noise, and once it is everything it is silence. - Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

Good quotes-Expression

Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.
- Janet Lane

Humor quotes-Twin

"The Washington Post says that President Obama as not a people person, and is a neurotic loner without any friends. It's like I have a twin."
-David Letterman

Friday, February 17, 2012

Humor quotes-Hate to shop

"Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door."
- Rita Rudner

Sarcastic quotes-Brain tumor

“Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?”
- Heathers

Political quotes-Restoring economic security

Obama focused on four areas he believes are the keys to restoring economic security. Energy, manufacturing, education, and TV shows about cupcakes, which we love.
- Jimmy Kimmel

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Famous people quotes- Remedies

Nearly all men die of their remedies, and not of their illnesses.
- Jean Baptiste Molière, Le Malade Imaginaire

Sexual quotes-Virginity of the soul

The tragedy of sexual intercourse is the perpetual virginity of the soul.
- William B. Yeats

Sarcastic quotes-Powerful laser

Scientist in England are building a laser they say is powerful enough to tear apart the fabric of space. Ah! It's nice to know they are working for the betterment of mankind. The scientists may also want to cut down on their consumption of Red Bull.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Motivational thoughts-Big smile

People seldom notice old clothes if you wear a big smile.
- Lee Mildon

Hilarious quotes-Rat race

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you`re still a rat.
- Lily Tomlin

Humor quotes-Bear filled with Candy

"I just read that a bear broke into a candy store in Tennessee and started eating all the candy. That's right, a live bear filled with candy. Or as Sarah Palin calls that, 'the best piñata ever.'"
- Jimmy Fallon

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Famous people quotes-True mirror

‘As a man who knows how to make his education into a rule of life not a means of showing off; who can control himself and obey his own principles.’ The true mirror of our discourse is the course of our lives.
- de Montaigne quoting Cicero

Sexual quotes-Self service

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Hilarious quotes-Nobel Prize

"Two Americans won the Nobel Prize for economics. That's like the Chinese winning for child day care."
- Jay Leno

Monday, February 13, 2012

Hilarious quotes-Face lifts

"I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet."
-Rita Rudner

Movie quotes-Hope

Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”
- The Shawshank Redemption

Hilarious quotes-Revenge

"Christopher Columbus was an Italian explorer who came to exploit our native population and infect them with smallpox. And 500 years later, we've exacted our revenge by sending Snooki to Italy."
-Jimmy Kimmel

Sunday, February 12, 2012


Our journey began at Genesis through Exodus. On the way, we saw Leviticus recording the Numbers of people at Deuteronomy, while Joshua was waiting at the beautiful gate for Judges to see Ruth calling loudly "Samuel, Samuel". At a stage, the first and second Kings of Chronicles were coming to visit Ezra, Nehemiah and Esther for the misfortune of Job, their brother. Then they noticed that Mr. Psalms was teaching his children Proverbs concerning Ecclesiastes and Songs of Solomon. This coincided with the period that Isaiah and Jeremiah were engaged in Lamentation for Ezekiel and Daniel their friend. By that time, Amos and Obadiah were not around. Three days later, Hosea, Joel and Jonah travelled in the same ship with Micah and Nahum to Jerusalem. More also, Habakkuk visited Zephaniah who introduced him to Haggai a friend of Zechariah whose cousin is Malachi. Immediately after the old tradition, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John got involved in Acts with the Romans who were behaving like the Corinthians, who were also always at loggerhead with the Galatians. At that time too, the Ephesians realizing
that the Philippians were close to the Colossians, suggested to the Thessalonians that they should first of all see Timothy who had gone to the house of Titus to teach Philemon his younger brother how to read and write Hebrew. On hearing, James asked Peter to explain to him how the three Johns have disclosed to Jude the Revelation of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Philosophical quotes-Mist

In a mist the heights can for the most part see each other; but the valleys cannot.
- Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827

Friendship quotes-Like Money

Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Love quotes-Wiser

He who is in love is wise and is becoming wiser, sees newly every time he looks at the object beloved, drawing from it with his eyes and his mind those virtues which it possesses.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882), Address on The Method of Nature, 1841

Movie quotes-Blaster

Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster by your side, kid.”
- Star Wars

Sarcastic quotes-The President's singing voice

After President Obama wowed the crowd at the Apollo Theater last week with his singing voice the producers of American Idol invited him to sing on their show next year. The timing couldn't be better because he expects to have a lot of time on his hands after the election.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Philosophical quotes-And

We used to think that if we knew one, we knew two, because one and one are two. We are finding that we must learn a great deal more about "and."
- Arthur Stanley Eddington

Friendship quotes-Better than one

"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up."
- Bible: Ecclesiastes

Political quotes-Spending bill

''The Senate has sent President Obama a spending bill that gives the government enough money to keep going for two weeks. Our Congress has the financial planning skills of a college sophomore.''
- Conan O'Brien

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Patience quotes-Endure

"All commend patience, but none can endure to suffer."
- Thomas Fuller

Famous people quotes-Language

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin

Hilarious quotes-Never met

Speaking of Facebook, a recent survey showed that the average Facebook user has never met 7 percent of their friends. The article came up in my newsfeed from my friend, the Dalai Lama.
- Jimmy Fallon

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Deep thoughts-Strangers

Admiration and familiarity are strangers.
- George Sand

Movie quotes-Worried

Where was ya, Wang? We was worried.”
- Murder by Death

Hilarious quotes-Designing rooms

Microsoft is apparently designing rooms for a hotel in France. You can tell the rooms are from Microsoft. Every time you open the window, they just freeze and need to be reinstalled.
- Jimmy Fallon

Monday, February 6, 2012

Hilarious quotes-Tough woman

"My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping."
-Rita Rudner

Love quotes-Everyone

You can’t love anyone until you understand that you can’t love everyone.
- Real Live Preacher, Weblog, October 20, 2003

Hilarious quotes-14 years in prison

The former governor of Illinois Rod Blagojevich got 14 Years in prison. He will probably get time off for good hair.

To give you an idea how long that is, take Kim Kardashian's marriage and add 14 years.

He was convicted of trying to sell Barack Obama's vacant senate seat. If he had waited a few years, he could probably sell it back to Barack Obama.

- Craig Ferguson

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Motivational Story-The good you do comes back to you

A woman baked chapatti (Indian bread) for members of her family and an extra one for a hungry passerby. She kept the extra chapatti on the window sill, for whosoever would take it away. Every day, a hunchback came and took away the chapatti. Instead of expressing gratitude, he muttered the following words as he went his way: "The evil you do remains with you: The good you do, comes back to you!" This went on, day after day. Every day, the hunchback came, picked up the chapatti and uttered the words: "The evil you do, remains with you: The good you do, comes back to you!" The woman felt irritated. "Not a word of gratitude," she said to herself...

"Everyday this hunchback utters this jingle! What does he mean?" One day, exasperated, she decided to do away with him. "I shall get rid of this hunchback," she said. And what did she do? She added poison to the chapatti she prepared for him! As she was about to keep it on the window sill, her hands trembled. "What is this I am doing?" she said. Immediately, she threw the chapatti into the fire, prepared another one and kept it on the window sill. As usual, the hunchback came, picked up the chapatti and muttered the words: "The evil you do, remains with you: The good you do, comes back to you!" The hunchback proceeded on his way, blissfully unaware of the war raging in the mind of the woman.

Every day, as the woman placed the chapatti on the window sill, she offered a prayer for her son who had gone to a distant place to seek his fortune. For many months, she had no news of him.. She prayed for his safe return. That evening, there was a knock on the door. As she opened it, she was surprised to find her son standing in the doorway. He had grown thin and lean. His garments were tattered and torn. He was hungry, starved and weak. As he saw his mother, he said, "Mom, it's a miracle I'm here. While I was but a mile away, I was so famished that I collapsed. I would have died, but just then an old hunchback passed by. I begged of him for a morsel of food, and he was kind enough to give me a whole chapatti. As he gave it to me, he said, "This is what I eat everyday: today, I shall give it to you, for your need is greater than mine!" As the mother heard those words, her face turned pale.

She leaned against the door for support. She remembered the poisoned chapatti that she had made that morning. Had she not burnt it in the fire, it would have been eaten by her own son, and he would have lost his life! It was then that she realized the significance of the words:

"The evil you do remains with you: The good you do, comes back to you!

Do good and don't ever stop doing good, even if it is not appreciated at that time.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Philosophical quotes-Wanted so long

There are things I have wanted so long that I would only consent to have them if I could keep wanting them.
-Robert Brault

Friendship quotes-Sturdy shelter

"A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure."
- Sirach 6:14

Hilarious quotes-Dummies

Some of the guys who escaped from Alcatraz made dummies of their heads and put them in their beds to fool the guards. I did the same thing here last time I interviewed Regis Philbin. He never figured it out.
- Craig Ferguson

Friday, February 3, 2012

Motivational thoughts-Education

"Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten."

Sexual quotes-Stupid

"Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid."
-Rita Rudner

Political quotes-Taken care of

President Obama wants to remind Americans of the things he has taken care of - bin Laden, adios. Gadhafi, bye-bye. And Regis is gone.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Love quotes-Sad heart

Though I know he loves me, tonight my heart is sad; his kiss was not so wonderful as all the dreams I had.

Deep thoughts-No vent in tears

"The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep."
- Henry Maudsley

Humor quotes-Guantanamo Bay prison cell

During a search of a Guantanamo Bay prison cell, guards found a copy of al-Qaeda magazine. It was the issue where Barbara Walters interviewed the ten most interesting terrorists of the years.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Famous people quotes-Talking to God

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
-Lily Tomlin

Movie quotes-Crazy pills

I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”
- Zoolander

Sarcastic quotes-Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney released his tax records and they showed that he earned $42 million over the last two years. So now the other candidates aren't running for president. They're running to be Mitt Romney.
- Conan O'Brien