Sexual quotes-Like money

Sex is like money; only too much is enough. 
- John Updike

Hilarious quotes-Claustrophobic

I’m definitely claustrophobic. I have a morbid fear of tight spaces. Thankfully, with my girlfriend, I’ll never have a problem with that. 

- Scott E. Roeben

Sexual quotes-Polygamist

I guess you could call me a polygamist. Sometimes I switch hands. 

- Scott E. Roeben

Sexual quotes-More interesting

An intellectual is a person who's found one thing that's more interesting than sex.
- Aldous Huxley

Sexual quotes-Primal passions

The natural man has only two primal passions, to get and beget.
- William Osler

Hilarious quotes-Sagging

"The Hooters Hotel and Casino here in Las Vegas isn't doing too well, I've heard. I guess you might say their business is sagging."
- Scott E. Roeben

Sexual quotes-Dumbest thing

"What's the dumbest thing ever? A p*rn star asking, 'What's my motivation?'"
- Scott E. Roeben

Hilarious quotes-When life ends

"What will my friends and loved ones say about me when my life ends and I'm laid to rest?
They'll probably say, 'Wow. He finally got laid.'"
- Scott E. Roeben

Funny quotes-A little bit unfaithful

You can't be a little bit unfaithful any more than you can be a little bit pregnant.
- Bruce Lansky

Sexual quotes-Lost

Virginity can be lost by a thought.  
- St. Jerome

Sexual quotes-Joys in bed

Were kisses all the joys in bed,
One woman would another wed.
~William Shakespeare, Sonnets to Sundry Notes of Music, IV

Sexual quotes-Lover

It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover.
- Marge Piercy

Sexual quotes-Moral equivalent

An erection at will is the moral equivalent of a valid credit card.
- Alex comfort

Humor quotes-Art of love

I am skilled at the art of love. I just wish I had a bigger paintbrush.
- Scott E. Roeben

Sexual quotes-Pursuit

An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit.
- Pliny the Younger, Letters

Sexual quotes-In the street

It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses.
- Mrs. Patrick Campbell

Sexual quotes-Excite

Its avowed purpose is to excite sexual desire, which, I should have thought, is unnecessary in the case of the young, inconvenient in the case of the middle aged, and unseemly in the old.
- Malcolm Muggeridge, on p*rnography, Tread Softly For You Tread On My Jokes, 1966

Reproduction of mankind

The reproduction of mankind is a great marvel and mystery. Had God consulted me in the matter, I should have advised him to continue the generation of the species by fashioning them out of clay.
- Martin Luther

Sexual quotes-Disprove

To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.
- Cary Grant

Sex education at school

Now, if groups like Moral Majority have their way, there won't be any sex education at school, and our kids will be the dumbest in the world when it comes to sex. But our parents are sexually retarded too. Fear and primitive morals are creating a sexual pressure-cooker in this country and soon the top will blow. Only in the U.S. do we find children drawing a picture of a baby coming from the clouds or from under a cabbage leaf.
- Floyd Martinson