Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Quotes by musicians- Success

"Success is having to worry about every damn thing in the world, except money."
- Johnny Cash

Funny thoughts-A thousand words

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Humor quotes-Skinny woman

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out.
But I can usually shut the bitch up with cookies.

Inspirational quotes-Give


Sunday, March 29, 2009

Love Quotes-Lifelong

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Thought for the day-Adversity

Adversity introduces a man to himself.

Political quotes-Fiction

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
Frederic Bastiat, Economist (1801-1850)

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Funny thoughts-Impotence

Impotence... Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"

Humor quotes-Sexual arousal

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. "
- P. J. ORourke

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Love Quotes-Ride

Love may not make the world go round, but I must admit that it makes the ride worthwhile.
- Sean Connery

Funny thoughts on Marriage-Annoy

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Deep thoughts-Results

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.
- Albert Einstein



Monday, March 23, 2009

Thought for the day-Choice

"How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?"


If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.
- John Paul Getty

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Thoughts-Stop to help

There were a thousand reasons not to stop.
I was running late for a very important... well, whatever it was that I was running late for that day. The freeway was busy -- I might have caused an accident or something. Surely the Highway Patrol would be along soon, and it's their job to help stranded motorists, isn't it? And I had on my navy blue suit, with a light blue shirt and a silk tie. Not exactly car-fixing clothes, you know?
Let's see -- that makes 1,004 reasons not to stop. And here's 1,005: I am the world's worst auto mechanic. Public enemy No. 1 on the AAA's Ten Most Wanted list. Mr. WhatsaWrench.
The first time I tried to change my car's oil myself I did fine until I forgot to put the new oil in. The boys down at the garage had a big laugh over that one. The next time, I remembered to put in the new oil -- only I put it in the transmission. That triggered a letter from the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Chryslers. They suggested I get a horse.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. God has given me other talents to use for the benefit of mankind. But I'm not sure how much it would have helped that lady who was stranded by the side of the freeway if I would have pulled over and belched on cue.
So I didn't pull over. I drove on by, just like hundreds of other drivers on the freeway that day. And I felt guilty about it.
So I turned off at the next exit and made my way back to see if I could at least give her a lift or something. But by the time I got back to her, an Hispanic gentleman had pulled in behind her, and was tinkering away at her car's engine like he knew what he was doing.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" I asked.
"No, thank you," the lady replied. "This nice man says he can fix it."
At that moment, a voice from under the hood shouted: "Okay, try it now!"
The woman reached for the key and turned it. The engine started beautifully. "It was your serpentine belt," the man explained, wiping his hands on his pants. "It slipped off. It's pretty worn. You want to take that to a mechanic, get a new one put on."
The woman tried to give the freeway Samaritan some money, but he declined and waved as she drove off. It wasn't until we started walking toward our cars that I noticed he had five more reasons not to stop than I did; his family was sitting in the station wagon, waiting patiently.
"Do you stop and help people like this often?" I asked.
He shrugged. "Somebody has to," he said. "What's she going to do if nobody helps?"
And for him, that was reason enough.
In his final sermon, given the night before his assassination, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. took as his text the Biblical parable of the Good Samaritan. In the story, a man is attacked by thieves and left by the roadside. Several travelers happen upon him, but they pass by. Eventually, someone does stop to help, although it is the one person who might have had a reason not to. He is a Samaritan and the victim is a Jew. Those folks didn't get along any better back then than they do now.
According to Dr. King, those who passed by the injured man were asking themselves the wrong question: "If I help this man, what will happen to me?"
The Good Samaritan stopped to help because he asked the right question: "If I don't help this man, what will happen to him?"

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Funny thoughts-Famous last words

-> Pull the pin and count to what?
-> Which wire was I supposed to cut?
-> I wonder where the mother bear is.

Political quotes-Robs

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
- George Bernard Shaw

Friday, March 20, 2009

Funny thoughts-Cordial

The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.

Deep thoughts-Courage

Courage is the price that life enacts for granting peace.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Love Quotes-Charm

Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question.
- Albert Camus

Motivational thoughts-Too short


Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Quotes on Dogs-Count

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret

Quotes by women-Old age

Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis-

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Thought for the day-Marriage

Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

Funny thoughts-College jock

"A college jock is someone who minds his build instead of vice versa!"

Monday, March 16, 2009

Sarcastic quotes-Belt

"He could not see a belt without hitting below it."
- Margot Asquith on David Lloyd George.

Motivational thoughts-Spend time


Sunday, March 15, 2009

Thoughts-Someone Who Understands

A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read: "Puppies For Sale". Signs like that have a way of attracting small children and sure enough, a little boy appeared under the store owner's sign.
"How much are you going to sell the puppies for?" he asked.
The store owner replied, "Anywhere from $30 to $50."
The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change.
"I have $2.37," he said. "Can I please look at them?"
The store owner smiled and whistled and out of the kennel came Lady, who ran out in the aisle of his store followed by five teeny, tiny balls of fur. One puppy was lagging considerably behind.
Immediately the little boy singled out the lagging, limping puppy and said, "What's wrong with that little dog?"
The store owner explained that the veterinarian had examined the little puppy and had discovered it didn't have a hip socket. It would always be lame.
The little boy became excited. "That is the puppy that I want to buy."
The store owner said, "No, you don't want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I'll just give him to you."
The little boy got quite upset. He looked straight into the store owner's eyes, pointing his finger, and said, "I don't want you to give him to me. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I'll pay full price. In fact, I'll give you $2.37 now, and 50 cents a month until I have him paid for."
The store owner countered, "You really don't want to buy this little dog. He is never going to be able to run and jump and play with you like the other puppies."
To his surprise, the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the store owner and softly replied, "Well, I don't run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands."
Don't we all need someone who understands?

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Funny thoughts-Indebted

"I'll be forever indebted to you." means" I'm never going to pay you back"

Love Quotes-Touch

At the touch of Love every one becomes a poet.
- Plato

Friday, March 13, 2009

Humor quotes-Gynecologist

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic
who never owned a car.

-Carrie Snow

Deep thoughts-Courage


Thursday, March 12, 2009

Thought for the day-Happiness

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Famous quotes-Principal difference

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you;
that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

-Mark Twain

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Funny thoughts-Alarm clock

An alarm clock is a small device used to wake up people who have no children at home.

Inspirational quotes-Pain


Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Sarcastic sex quotes

"What do I know about sex? I'm a married man."
-Tom Clancy

Thought for the day-Taste

The cardiologist' s diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Contradictory proverbs

Every Action has an equal and an opposite reaction.
Similarly, every proverb has an equal and an opposite proverb! There always exists two sides of the same coin.
U be the judge..

All good things come to those who wait.
Time and tide wait for no man.

The pen is mightier than the sword.
Actions speak louder than words.

Wise men think alike.
Fools seldom differ.

The best things in life are free things..
There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Slow and steady wins the race.
Time waits for no man.

Look before you leap.
Strike while the iron is hot.

Birds of a feather flock together.
Opposites attract.

Doubt is the beginning of wisdom.
Faith will move mountains.

Great starts make great finishes.
It ain't over 'till it's over.

Silence is golden.
The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

You're never too old to learn.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
One man's food is another man's poison.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Out of sight, out of mind.

Too many cooks spoil the broth.
Many hands make light work.

Hold fast to the words of your ancestors.
Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Positive Thoughts-Listen

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.
-Rachel Naomi Remen, MD

Funny thoughts-Experience

Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Humor Quotes on Marriage

Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute.

Motivational thoughts-Successful ending


Thursday, March 5, 2009

Famous quotes-Safe

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
- Mark Twain (1866)

Funny thoughts-Work

I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Sexual quotes-Divorce

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
-- Robin Williams


If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Funny thoughts-Proof

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

Love quotes-Discover


Monday, March 2, 2009

Humor quotes-Good sermon

Political quotes-Economy

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
- Ronald Reagan (1986)

Sunday, March 1, 2009

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Story told by a man which is most frightening yet thought-provoking experiences of his life.
He had been on a long flight. The first warning of the approaching problems came when the sign on the airplane flashed on: "Fasten your seat belts."
Then, after a while, a calm voice said, "We shall not be serving the beverages at this time as we are expecting a little turbulence. Please be sure your seat belt is fastened."
As he looked around the aircraft, it became obvious that many of the passengers were becoming apprehensive. Later, the voice of the announcer said, "We are so sorry that we are unable to serve the meal at this time. The turbulence is still ahead of us."
And then the storm broke. The ominous cracks of thunder could be heard even above the roar of the engines. Lightening lit up the darkening skies and within moments that great plane was like a cork tossed around on a celestial ocean. One moment the airplane was lifted on terrific currents of air; the next, it dropped as if it were about to crash.
The man confessed that he shared the discomfort and fear of those around him. He said, "As I looked around the plane, I could see that nearly all the passengers were upset and alarmed. Some were praying.
The future seemed ominous and many were wondering if they would make it through the storm. And then, I suddenly saw a girl to whom the storm meant nothing. She had tucked her feet beneath her as she sat on her seat and was reading a book.
Everything within her small world was calm and orderly. Sometimes she closed her eyes, then she would read again; then she would straighten her legs, but worry and fear were not in her world. When the plane was being buffeted by the terrible storm, when it lurched this way and that, as it rose and fell with frightening severity, when all the adults were scared half to death, that marvelous child was completely composed and unafraid."
The man could hardly believe his eyes. It was not surprising therefore, that when the plane finally reached its destination and all the passengers were hurrying to disembark, he lingered to speak to the girl whom he had watched for such a long time.
Having commented about the storm and behavior of the plane, he asked why she had not been afraid.
The sweet child replied,
"Sir, my Dad is the pilot and he is taking me home."
When you are sure of your self, your confident level is steady and you are never shaky you do the things calmly and successfully.