Meetings

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, which word would be "meetings."

Only Human

To err is human, to blame it on someone else is more human.

Understanding fractions!

7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.

So pleasant!

If work were so pleasant, the rich would keep it for themselves.

I have learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

Monkey

The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of his behind.

Food for thought

Eat your food as your medicines, otherwise you will have to eat medicines as your food.

Funny thoughts-Kiss strangers

We use mistletoe as an excuse to kiss strangers during the holidays. Haven't people ever heard of chloroform?
- Scott E. Roeben

Humor quotes-If you were a chicken

Imagine if you were a chicken, and you got the other chickens mad, and they decided to tar and feather you. No one would notice.

- Scott E. Roeben

Funny thoughts-The little things

I got a miniature abacus for my birthday. It's the little things that count.

- Scott E. Roeben

Humor quotes-A new drug

I read a story about a new drug that's the first to be FDA-approved to treat bipolar disorder. That news makes me so enraged and ecstatic!
- Scott E. Roeben

For financial reasons

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen

Paranoid exhibitionist

I'm a paranoid exhibitionist. I always feel like I'm being watched, but I don't particularly care.
- Scott E. Roeben

An awkward stage

I'm going through an awkward stage. You know, the one between birth and death.

- Scott E. Roeben

Funny thoughts-Turn to dust

When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum.
- Julia Cameron

An insult

This guy told me he thought I was attractive, and when I get a nice compliment I like to take it in, swish it around in my brain... until it becomes an insult.

- Sheila Wenz

Funny thoughts-Money and happiness

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

- Spike Milligan

To learn about money

The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.

- Katharine Whitehorn 

Sexual quotes-Polygamist

I guess you could call me a polygamist. Sometimes I switch hands. 

- Scott E. Roeben

Funny thoughts-Useful things

"Bart, with $10000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!

- Homer Simpson