Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Thought for the day-Childhood

Childhood: That period when nightmares occur only during sleep.

Funny thoughts-Life

The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Sarcastic quotes

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
- Maryon Pearson

Life-Windows

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood.
The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.
"That laundry is not very clean", she said. "She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap"
Her husband looked on, but remained silent.
Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.
About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:
"Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?"
The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows."
And so it is with life. What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Motivational thoughts-Three kinds

There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened. We all have a choice. You can decide which type of person you want to be. I have always chosen to be in the first group.
-Mary Kay Ash

Inspirational quotes-First steps

Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps down new roads armed with nothing but their own vision.
-Ayn Rand

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Funny thoughts-Shut

Men are like fish.
Neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut.

Humor quotes-Happiness

"Happiness can't buy money."
- Bob Hope

Friday, December 26, 2008

Thoughts on Life

Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same with life, where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.
One thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. Life is not to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? It's ok, bunk a few classes, goof up a few interviews, fall in love. We are people, not programmed devices.
"Don't be serious, be sincere."

Sarcastic Quotes-Different

I wanna be different just like everyone else.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Funny thoughts

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day .

Love quotes-Birth

"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love."
-Stendhal

A Christmas Story

A Christmas Story
by Rian B. Anderson

Pa never had much compassion for the lazy or those who squandered their means and then never had enough for the necessities. But for those who were genuinely in need, his heart was as big as all outdoors. It was from him that I learned the greatest joy in life comes from giving, not from receiving. It was Christmas Eve 1881. I was fifteen years old and feeling like the world had caved in on me because there just hadn't been enough money to buy me the rifle that I'd wanted so bad that year for Christmas.We did the chores early that night for some reason. I just figured Pa wanted a little extra time so we could read in the Bible. So after supper was over I took my boots off and stretched out in front of the fireplace and waited for Pa to get down the old Bible. I was still feeling sorry for myself and, to be honest, I wasn't in much of a mood to read scriptures.
But Pa didn't get the Bible, instead he bundled up and went outside. I couldn't figure it out because we had already done all the chores. I didn't worry about it long though, I was too busy wallowing in self-pity.
Soon Pa came back in. It was a cold clear night out and there was ice in his beard. "Come on, Matt," he said. "Bundle up good, it's cold out tonight."
I was really upset then. Not only wasn't I getting the rifle for Christmas, now Pa was dragging me out in the cold, and for no earthly reason that I could see. We'd already done all the chores, and I couldn't think of anything else that needed doing, especially not on a night like this. But I knew Pa was not very patient at one dragging one's feet when he'd told them to do something, so I got up and put my boots back on and got my cap, coat, and mittens. Ma gave me a mysterious smile as I opened the door to leave the house. Something was up, but I didn't know what.
Outside, I became even more dismayed. There in front of the house was the work team, already hitched to the big sled. Whatever it was we were going to do wasn't going to be a short, quick, little job. I could tell. We never hitched up the big sled unless we were going to haul a big load. Pa was already up on the seat, reins in hand. I reluctantly climbed up beside him. The cold was already biting at me. I wasn't happy. When I was on, Pa pulled the sled around the house and stopped in front of the woodshed. He got off and I followed. "I think we'll put on the high sideboards," he said. "Here, help me."
The high sideboards! It had been a bigger job than I wanted to do with just the low sideboards on, but whatever it was we were going to do would be a lot bigger with the high sideboards on.
When we had exchanged the sideboards Pa went into the woodshed and came out with an armload of wood - the wood I'd spent all summer hauling down from the mountain, and then all fall sawing into blocks and splitting. What was he doing? Finally I said something. "Pa," I asked, "what are you doing?"
"You been by the Widow Jensen's lately?" he asked.
The Widow Jensen lived about two miles down the road. Her husband had died a year or so before and left her with three children, the oldest being eight. Sure, I'd been by, but so what? "Yeah," I said, "why?"
"I rode by just today," Pa said. "Little Jakey was out digging around in the woodpile trying to find a few chips. They're out of wood, Matt." That was all he said and then he turned and went back into the woodshed for another armload of wood. I followed him. We loaded the sled so high that I began to wonder if the horses would be able to pull it.
Finally, Pa called a halt to our loading, then we went to the smoke house and Pa took down a big ham and a side of bacon. He handed them to me and told me to put them in the sled and wait. When he returned he was carrying a sack of flour over his right shoulder and a smaller sack of something in his left hand.
"What's in the little sack?" I asked.
"Shoes. They're out of shoes. Little Jakey just had gunny sacks wrapped around his feet when he was out in the woodpile this morning. I got the children a little candy too. It just wouldn't be Christmas without a little candy."
We rode the two miles to Widow Jensen's pretty much in silence. I tried to think through what Pa was doing. We didn't have much by worldly standards. Of course, we did have a big woodpile, though most of what was left now was still in the form of logs that I would have to saw into blocks and split before we could use it. We also had meat and flour, so we could spare that, but I knew we didn't have any money, so why was Pa buying them shoes and candy? Really, why was he doing any of this? Widow Jensen had closer neighbors than us. It shouldn't have been our concern.
We came in from the blind side of the Jensen house and unloaded the wood as quietly as possible, then we took the meat and flour and shoes to the door. We knocked. The door opened a crack and a timid voice said, "Who is it?"
"Lucas Miles, Ma'am, and my son, Matt. Could we come in for a bit?"
Widow Jensen opened the door and let us in. She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. The children were wrapped in another and were sitting in front of the fireplace by a very small fire that hardly gave off any heat at all. Widow Jensen fumbled with a match and finally lit the lamp.
"We brought you a few things, Ma'am," Pa said and set down the sack of flour. I put the meat on the table. Then Pa handed her the sack that had the shoes in it. She opened it hesitantly and took the shoes out one pair at a time. There was a pair for her and one for each of the children - sturdy shoes, the best - shoes that would last. I watched her carefully. She bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling and then tears filled her eyes and started running down her cheeks. She looked up at Pa like she wanted to say something, but it wouldn't come out.
"We brought a load of wood too, Ma'am," Pa said, then he turned to me and said, "Matt, go bring enough in to last for awhile. Let's get that fire up to size and heat this place up."
I wasn't the same person when I went back out to bring in the wood. I had a big lump in my throat and, much as I hate to admit it, there were tears in my eyes too. In my mind I kept seeing those three kids huddled around the fireplace and their mother standing there with tears running down her cheeks and so much gratitude in her heart that she couldn't speak. My heart swelled within me and a joy filled my soul that I'd never known before. I had given at Christmas many times before, but never when it had made so much difference. I could see we were literally saving the lives of these people. I soon had the fire blazing and everyone's spirits soared. The kids started giggling when Pa handed them each a piece of candy and Widow Jensen looked on with a smile that probably hadn't crossed her face for a long time. She finally turned to
us. "God bless you," she said. "I know the Lord himself has sent you. The children and I have been praying that he would send one of his angels to spare us."
In spite of myself, the lump returned to my throat and the tears welled up in my eyes again. I'd never thought of Pa in those exact terms before, but after Widow Jensen mentioned it I could see that it was probably true. I was sure that a better man than Pa had never walked the earth. I started remembering all the times he had gone out of his way for Ma and me, and many others. The list seemed endless as I thought on it.
Pa insisted that everyone try on the shoes before we left. I was amazed when they all fit and I wondered how he had known what sizes to get. Then I guessed that if he was on an errand for the Lord that the Lord would make sure he got the right sizes.
Tears were running down Widow Jensen's face again when we stood up to leave. Pa took each of the kids in his big arms and gave them a hug. They clung to him and didn't want us to go. I could see that they missed their Pa, and I was glad that I still had mine.
At the door Pa turned to Widow Jensen and said, "The Mrs. wanted me to invite you and the children over for Christmas dinner tomorrow. The turkey will be more than the three of us can eat, and a man can get cantankerous if he has to eat turkey for too many meals. We'll be by to get you about eleven. It'll be nice to have some little ones around again. Matt, here, hasn't been little for quite a spell." I was the youngest. My two older brothers and two older sisters were all married and had moved away.
Widow Jensen nodded and said, "Thank you, Brother Miles. I don't have to say, 'May the Lord bless you,' I know for certain that He will."
Out on the sled I felt a warmth that came from deep within and I didn't even notice the cold. When we had gone a ways, Pa turned to me and said, "Matt, I want you to know something. Your Ma and me have been tucking a little money away here and there all year so we could buy that rifle for you, but we didn't have quite enough. Then yesterday a man who owed me a little money from years back came by to make things square. Your Ma and me were real excited, thinking that now we could get you that rifle, and I started into town this morning to do just that. But on the way I saw little Jakey out scratching in the woodpile with his feet wrapped in those gunny sacks and I knew what I had to do. So, Son, I spent the money for shoes and a little candy for those children. I hope you understand."
I understood, and my eyes became wet with tears again. I understood very well, and I was so glad Pa had done it. Just then the rifle seemed very low on my list of priorities. Pa had given me a lot more. He had given me the look on Widow Jensen's face and the radiant smiles of her three children. For the rest of my life, whenever I saw any of the Jensens, or split a block of wood, I remembered, and remembering brought back that same joy I felt riding home beside Pa that night. Pa had given me much more than a rifle that night, he had given me the best Christmas of my life.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Thoughts on Life

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.

Famous sexual quotes

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
- Jerry Seinfeld

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Humor Quotes-Balance diet

"Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!"

Quotes from Women

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
- Jennifer Unlimited

Monday, December 22, 2008

Funny thoughts-Two kinds

There are two kinds of pedestrians - the quick and the dead.

Deep thoughts-Love

You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Life-The carpenter

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house-building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.
The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.
When the carpenter finished his work the employer came to inspect the house. He handed the front-door key to the carpenter.
This is your house, he said, my gift to you.
The carpenter was shocked! What a shame!
If he had only known he was building his own, he would have done it all so differently.
We do the most of the things having such thoughts in our mind. But we only realize when it comes back to us.
So it is with us. We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting less than our best into the building. Then with a shock we realize we have to live in the house that we have built. If we could do it over, we'd do it much differently. But we cannot go back.
You are the carpenter. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Life is a do-it-yourself project, someone has said. Your attitudes and the choices you make today, build the house you live in tomorrow. Build wisely!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Famous quotes-Blonde jokes

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb . . and I'm also not blonde.
- Dolly Parton

Thought for the Day-Needing

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Funny thoughts-Life

Life is sexually transmitted.

Friendship quotes-Compare

friendship-quotes

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Love quotes-Lost

"Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."
-St. Augustine

Quotes from Women

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
- Elayne Boosler

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Quotes

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous,
the sensible man hardly anything.
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Thoughts on Life-A red rose

A man stopped at a flower shop to order some flowers to be wired to his mother who lived two hundred miles away.
As he got out of his car he noticed a young girl sitting on the curb sobbing. He asked her what was wrong and she replied, "I wanted to buy a red rose for my mother. But I only have seventy-five cents, and a rose costs two dollars."
The man smiled and said, "Come on in with me. I'll buy you a rose." He bought the little girl her rose and ordered his own mother's flowers.
As they were leaving he offered the girl a ride home. She said, "Yes, please! You can take me to my mother." She directed him to a cemetery, where she placed the rose on a freshly dug grave.
The man returned to the flower shop, canceled the wire order, picked up a bouquet and drove the two hundred miles to his mother's house.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Mothers' Quotes

COLUMBUS' MOTHER:
"I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!"

MICHELANGELO' S MOTHER:
"Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER:
"All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me."

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER:
"Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

MARY'S MOTHER:
"I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER:
"The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER:
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER:
"I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew."

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER:
"But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? OY! Styling gel, mousse, something... ?"

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Thoughts-Kindness pays

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.
He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.
Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?"
"You don't owe me anything," she replied "Mother has taught us never to accept payment for a kindness." He said... "Then I thank you from my heart."
As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt; stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.
Years later that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.
Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.
Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room.
Dressed in his doctor's gown he we nt in to see her. He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to the case.
After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room.
She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally, she looked, and something caught; her attention on the side as She read these words.....
"Paid in full with one glass of milk." (Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Famous Quotes

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. "
- Jack Nicholson

Funny thoughts-Greatest lover

Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Deep thoughts-Coward

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
- Marvin Kitman

Sarcastic Quotes-Junk

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Love quotes-Blushing

"Blushing is the color of virtue."
-Diogenes

Friendship quotes-Begun for an end

friendship-quotes

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Funny thoughts-Algebra

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said
he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identi fy the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," the Attorney General said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.'"
When asked to comment on the arrest, the Senator said, "If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes." Democratic leaders told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the Senator.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Inspirational quotes

Do good to your friend to keep him,
and to your enemy to make him your friend.
- E. W. Scripps

Quotes

Beliefs are like watches. Each trusts his own, but no two run the same.
- The Pope

Monday, December 8, 2008

Humor Quotes-Cowhide

What's the greatest worldwide use of cowhide?
To hold cows together.

Funny thoughts-Skydiving

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Thoughts-The dent

About ten years ago, a young and very successful executive named Josh was traveling down a Chicago neighborhood street. He was going a bit too fast in his sleek, black, 12 cylinder Jaguar XKE, which was only two months old. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something.
As his car passed, no child darted out, but a brick sailed out and - WHUMP! - it smashed Into the Jag's shiny black side door! SCREECH..!!! ! Brakes slammed! Gears ground into reverse, and tires madly spun the Jaguar back to the spot from where the brick had been thrown.
Josh jumped out of the car, grabbed the kid and pushed him up against a parked car. He shouted at the kid, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing?!" Building up a head of steam, he went on. "That's my new Jag, that brick you threw is gonna cost you a lot of money. Why did you throw it?"
"Please, mister, please. . . I'm sorry! I didn't know what else to do!" Pleaded the youngster. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop!"
Tears were dripping down the boy's chin as he pointed around the parked car.
"It's my brother, mister," he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up." Sobbing, the boy asked the executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."
Moved beyond words, the young executive tried desperately to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. Straining, he lifted the young man back into the wheelchair and took out his handkerchief and wiped the scrapes and cuts, checking to see that everything was going to be OK. He then watched the younger brother push him down the sidewalk toward their home.
It was a long walk back to the sleek, black, shining, 12 cylinder Jaguar XKE -a long and slow walk. Josh never did fix the side door of his Jaguar. He kept the dent to remind him not to go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at him to get his attention.
Some bricks are softer than others. Feel for the bricks of life coming at to you. For all the negative things we have to say to ourselves, God has positive answers.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Thought for the day-Laugh

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Deep thoughts-Shadow

Today was like a shadow. It lurked behind me. It's now gone forever. Why is it that time is such a difficult thing to befriend?
- Mary Casey

Friday, December 5, 2008

Funny thoughts-Oversight

A penny saved is a government oversight.

Friendship quotes-Love and friendship

friendship-quotes

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Humor quotes-Too much

"It's a good thing that God didn't make us any smarter. We know too much already"

Funny thoughts-Target

funny-thoughts

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Love quotes-Remedy

"There is no remedy for love but to love more."
-Thoreau

Quotes-Hard to believe

"Although I can accept talking scarecrows, lions and great wizards of emerald cities, I find it hard to believe there is no paperwork involved when your house lands on a witch."
- Dave James

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Thought for the day-Diplomacy

Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it. You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week.

Sarcastic Quotes-Life Insurance

A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Funny thoughts-Stupid

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing

Quotes on Marriage

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
-Scottish Proverb

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Thoughts-God's creations

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said, 'You want hot fudge with that? And Man said, 'Yes!' And Woman said, 'I'll have one too with chocolate chips'. And so they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthy yoghurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.
So God said, 'Try my fresh green salad'. And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said 'I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them'.
And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter, and Man's cholesterol went through the roof.
Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds. God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger. Then Satan said 'You want fries with that?' and Man replied, 'Yes, and super size 'em'.
And Satan said, 'It is good.' And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed ......... and created quadruple by-pass surgery.
And then ........... Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Deep thoughts-Meeting

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. "
-Carl Jung

Friendship quotes-Union

friendship-quotes

Friday, November 28, 2008

Thought for the day-Repossessed

If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

Sarcastic Quotes-Good friends

Good friends will help you move.
REALLY good friends will help you move bodies.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Humor quotes-Marriage

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

Funny thoughts-Wedding ring

"A wedding ring is like a tourniquet - it cuts off your circulation!"

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Deep thoughts-Apologize

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth."
- Benjamin Disraeli

Love quotes-Sharing

love-quotes

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Thought for the day

"Duct tape is like the force, it has a dark side, a light side, and it holds the universe together."

Inspirational Quotes-Learn from mistakes

"Learn from the mistakes of others...you can't live long enough to make them all yourselves!!"
- Chanakya

Monday, November 24, 2008

Funny thoughts-Investment Vocabulary

Bull market: a random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear market: a six- to eight-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelery.

Momentum investing: the fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value investing: the art of buying low and selling lower.

Humor quotes-Opens the door

"When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife."

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Thoughts of a thinking man

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led
to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunch time so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused,
asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?".
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to
say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another
job." This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make
any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled
as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with a PBS station on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and
ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.
As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass,
whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably
recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last
meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Sarcastic Quotes-Lost

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Friendship quotes-Horizon

friendship-quotes

Friday, November 21, 2008

Short quotes-Acts

"It is by acts and not by ideas that people live."
- Anatole France

Funny thoughts-A Cat's Dictionary

Aquarium: interactive television for cats.
Cataclysm: any great upheaval in a cat's life.
Catatonic: a feline medicinal drink.
Caterpillar: a soft scratching post for a cat.
Cat Scan: to look for a new cat.
Dog: a cat's device for running practice.
Im-purr-sonate: to act like the cat.
Purr-ade: an organized march of cats.
Purr-adise: the garden of Cats.
Purr-amour: a cat lover.
Purr-anoia: the fear that your cat is up to something.
Purr-aphernalia: a cat's personal belongings.
Purr-ch: any favored feline napping spot.
Purr-chase: anything bought for a cat.
Purr-fume: the scent of an open can of tuna.
Purr-gatory: a houseful of kittens.
Purr-mission: a feline hunting expedition.
Purr-petual: everlasting feline love.
Purr-plex: a house with two or more cats.
Purr-son: a male kitten.
Purr-suit: the garment your shedding cat rubs against just as you are leaving home to go to an important meeting.
Purr-verse: a poem about a wicked kitty.
Tuner: sonar-like device in cat food that causes cats to appear.
Yawn: a cat's honest opinion openly expressed

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Thought for the Day-Compromise

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes, she got the biggest piece.

Motivational thoughts

There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Deep thoughts-Truth

Man can live his truth, his deepest truth, but cannot speak it.
Archibald MacLeish

Love quotes-Feeling guilty

love-quotes

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Funny thoughts-Theirs

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.'

Humor Quotes-Jury

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Sarcastic Quotes

"Lies circle the earth while Truth is still trying to put on its shoes."

Friendship quotes-Listener

friendship-quotes

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Thoughts on Life-Ticket

Life is a ticket to the greatest show on earth.
~Martin H. Fischer

Thoughts-Burdens

An old legend relates that long ago God had a great many burdens which He wished to have carried from one place to another on earth, so He asked the animals to lend a hand. But all of them began to make excuses for not helping: the elephant was too dignified; the lion, too proud; and so on. Finally the birds came to God and said, "If you will tie the burdens into small bundles, we'll be glad to carry them for you. We are small but we would like to help."
So God fastened upon the back of each one a small bundle, and they all set out walking across the plain to their destination. They sang as they went, and did not seem to feel the weight of their burdens at all. Every day the burdens seemed lighter and lighter, until the loads seems to be lifting the birds, instead of the birds carrying the burdens.
When they arrived at their destination, they discovered that when they removed their loads, there were wings in their place, wings which enabled them to fly to the sky and the tree tops.
They had learned how to carry their burdens, and their loads had become wings to carry them nearer to God.
Burdens we carry for others may become wings of the spirit, to lift us into happiness such as we have never known.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Funny thoughts-Weather

Famous quotes-I die

"Each night when I go to sleep I die, and next morning when I wake up I am reborn again"
- M K Gandhi

Friday, November 14, 2008

Thought for the day-Key

Whenever you find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

Love quotes

love-quotes

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Inspirational Quotes-Pressure

Don't be afraid of pressure. Remember that pressure is what turns a lump of coal into a diamond.

Quotes-Two kinds of people

"There are two kinds of people who never amount to much:
those who cannot do what they are told,
and those who can do nothing else."
-- Cyrus Curtis

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Funny thoughts-Health

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die

Quotes on Love

"We perceive when love begins and when it declines by our embarrassment when alone together."
-La Bruyere

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Deep thoughts-Advice

Advice is like snow; the softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind.
-Samuel T. Coleridge

Friendship quotes-Silence

friendship-quotes

Monday, November 10, 2008

Thought for the day-Middle name

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

Sarcastic Quotes-Wrong

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Thoughts-Golden Songbird

Once upon a time there was a golden songbird that lived in a beautiful garden. It spent all its days singing the loveliest songs to the honour of its maker and the delight of all the people who heard it.
But the keeper of the garden, who was a foolish and greedy man, coveted the little songster, and one day he made a cunning net in which he snared it. The little bird begged the man to release him and promised to tell him three great secrets if only he would let him go. Now the gardener really was a very greedy man and rubbing his hands together, he eagerly released the bird.
Then the songbird told him it's three great secrets:Never believe all that you hear; Never regret what you have never lost, and never throw away that which you have in your keeping.
The gardener was furious when he heard this and said he had known these so-called 'secrets' since he was a little child and shouted that the bird had tricked him. But the songbird quietly replied that if the man had really known these three secrets, or only the last of them, he would never have let him go.
Then the bird added:"I have a most precious jewel weighing over three ounces hidden inside me and whoever possesses that marvellous stone will have every wish granted."
On hearing this, the keeper roared like a lion and cursed himself for setting the songster free. But the little bird only added fuel to his rage by explaining that since he weighed no more than half an ounce at most, as anyone with eyes could plainly see, how was it possible that a gem weighing more than three ounces could be hidden within it's tiny body?
At that the man tore his hair and lunged at the bird in a towering rage, but the little songbird flew to a nearby branch and added sweetly:"Since you never had the jewel in your hands you are already regretting what you never lost, and believing what I told you, you threw it away by setting me free."
Then the little songbird told the man to study well these three great secrets and so become as wise as the bird himself!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Humor Quotes-Preach

Some people practice what they preach,
others just practice preaching.

Funny thoughts-Everything

Anybody who knows everything should be told a thing or two.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Short Quotes-Rich Man

"A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money."
WC Fields

Friendship quotes-Single soul

friendship-quotes

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Motivational thoughts-Opportunities

"Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging."

Love quotes

"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love - and to put its trust in life."
-Joseph Conrad

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Thought for the day-Conscience

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Quotes from Women

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
- Erica Jong

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Sarcastic Quotes

The Name Game

* If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty.
* If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
* If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.
* If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.
* If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
* If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.
* If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
* If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
* If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Funny thoughts-Early

Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Humor quotes-Wise

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Thoughts-Two horses

Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it. From a distance, each horse looks like any other horse. But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing....
Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him. This alone is amazing.
If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the sound of a bell. Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field. Attached to the horse's halter is a small bell.. It lets the blind friend know where the other horse is, so he can follow.
As you stand and watch these two friends, you'll see that the horse with the bell is always checking on the blind horse, and that the blind horse will listen for the bell and then slowly walk to where the other horse is, trusting that he will not be led astray.
When the horse with the bell returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, it stops occasionally and looks back, making sure that the blind friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.
Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges. He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need. Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those who God places in our lives. Other times we are the guide horse, helping others to find their way....
Good friends are like that ... you may not always see them, but you know they are always there.
Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Deep thoughts

A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.
-Chinese Proverb

Inspirational quotes-Goodness

"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
- Chanakya

Friday, October 31, 2008

Thought for the Day-Close

Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.

Funny thoughts-Before

God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Sarcastic Quotes-Lies

Lies circle the earth while Truth is still trying to put on its shoes

Humor quotes-Not failed

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Deep thoughts-Preserved

Many things can be preserved in alcohol.
Dignity is not one of them.

Funny thoughts-Speech

A speech is like a wheel -
the longer the spoke - the greater the tire.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Thought for the Day-Mistake

When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

Thoughts-The mousetrap

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package... "What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.
Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."
The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it. "
The mouse turned to the cow and said, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose.But wish you well; be assured you are in my prayers "So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap-- alone.
That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught.
In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife.
The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient. But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer's wife did not get well; she died.
So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them. The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.
So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, Remember - when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Humor Quotes-Gentleman

A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.

Funny thoughts-So is Life

If you have paper, you don't have a pen.
If you have a pen, you don't have paper.
If you have both, no one calls.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Famous quotes-Safe at Shore

"A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein

Deep thoughts

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Motivational thoughts-YOU

motivational-thoughts

Inspirational quotes-Courage

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day, saying…
"I will try again tomorrow."

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Thoughts on life-Be good

Be really good to your family and friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

Humor Quotes-Housework

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Funny thoughts-Wrong lane

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Love quotes

"Tell me whom you love and I will tell you who you are."
-Houssaye

Monday, October 20, 2008

Deep thoughts-Opportunities

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Quotes-Beliefs

Beliefs are like watches. Each trusts his own, but no two run the same.
- The Pope

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Inspirational thoughts-Burdens

An old legend relates that long ago God had a great many burdens which He wished to have carried from one place to another on earth, so He asked the animals to lend a hand. But all of them began to make excuses for not helping: the elephant was too dignified; the lion, too proud; and so on. Finally the birds came to God and said, "If you will tie the burdens into small bundles, we'll be glad to carry them for you. We are small but we would like to help."
So God fastened upon the back of each one a small bundle, and they all set out walking across the plain to their destination. They sang as they went, and did not seem to feel the weight of their burdens at all. Every day the burdens seemed lighter and lighter, until the loads seems to be lifting the birds, instead of the birds carrying the burdens.
When they arrived at their destination, they discovered that when they removed their loads, there were wings in their place, wings which enabled them to fly to the sky and the tree tops.
They had learned how to carry their burdens, and their loads had become wings to carry them nearer to God.
Burdens we carry for others may become wings of the spirit, to lift us into happiness such as we have never known.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Humor quotes-Faster

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

Sarcastic Quotes-Junk

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Funny thoughts-Passport picture

If you look like your passport picture,
you probably need the trip.

Visual thoughts-Worthy

thought-for-the-day

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Deep thoughts-Mistake

"It is only a mistake when you refuse to fix it, until then it is only an error."

Motivational thoughts-A fascinating story

A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband,dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked timidly without an appointment into the president of Harvard's outer office.
The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard and probably didn't even deserve to be in Cambridge.
She frowned. "We want to see the president," the man said softly. "He'll be busy all day," the secretary snapped. "We'll wait," the lady replied. For hours, the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become discouraged and go away.
They didn't. And the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president, even though it was a chore she always regretted to do. "Maybe if they just see you for a few minutes, they'll leave," she told him.
And he sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance obviously didn't have the time to spend with them, but he detested gingham dresses and homespun suits cluttering up his outer office. The president, stern-faced with dignity, strutted toward the couple.
The lady told him, "We had a son that attended Harvard for one year. He loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he was accidentally killed. And my husband and I would like to erect a memorial to him, somewhere on campus."
The president wasn't touched, he was shocked. "Madam," he said gruffly. "We can't put up a statue for every person who attended Harvard and died. If we did, this place would look like a cemetery". "Oh, no," the lady explained quickly. "We don't want to erect a statue.
We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard." The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and homespun suit, then exclaimed, "A building! Do you have any earthly idea how much a building costs? We have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical plant at Harvard." For a moment the lady was silent.
The president was pleased. He could get rid of them now. And the lady turned to her husband and said quietly, "Is that all it costs to start a University? Why don't we just start our own?" Her husband nodded.
The president's face wilted in confusion and bewilderment. And Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford walked away, traveling to Palo Alto, California where they established the University that bears their name, a memorial to a son that Harvard no longer cared about.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Thought for the day-Character

A person's true character is revealed by what he does when no one is watching

Love quotes-Worship

"I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love."
-Henry Ward Beecher

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Humor quotes

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first? The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u let him in!
-Anonymous

Funny thoughts-Haircut

Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Inspirational thoughts and Quotes

When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present…we experience heaven on earth.
-Sarah Breathnach

Deep thoughts

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
~Victor Borge

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Thoughts-Dad's Blessings

A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.
As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him into his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautifully wrapped gift box. Curious, but somewhat disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with the young man's name embossed in gold. Angry, he raised his voice to his father and said "With all your money, you give me a Bible?" and stormed out of the house, leaving the Bible.
Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day. Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things.
When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father's important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. And as he did, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible. It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words PAID IN FULL.
How many times do we miss Spirit's blessings and answers to our prayers because they do not arrive exactly as we have expected?

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Sarcastic Quotes-Foresight

Foresight is knowing when to shut your mouth before someone suggests it.

Love thoughts and quotes

"He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals."
-Benjamin Franklin

Friday, October 10, 2008

Inspirational thoughts and quotes-Pressure

Don't be afraid of pressure.
Remember that pressure is what turns a lump of coal into a diamond.

Sarcastic Quotes-Borrow

Always borrow money from a pessimist;
they don't expect to be paid back

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Humor quotes-Words

My wife and I had words,
But I didn't get to use mine.

Funny thoughts-Difficult

Things that are difficult to say when you are drunk:
Indubitably;
Innovative;
Preliminary;
Proliferation;
Cinnamo.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Friendship Quotes

"Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never."
-Charles Caleb Colton

Love thoughts and quotes

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction."
-Saint-Exupery

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Short quotes

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Thoughts-Perspective

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, 'How was the trip?'
'It was great, Dad.'
'Did you see how poor people live?' the father asked.
'Oh yeah,' said the son.
'So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?' asked the father
The son answered:
'I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.'
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, 'Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.'
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?

Monday, October 6, 2008

Inspirational thoughts and Quotes-Staying down

Falling down doesn't make you a failure, but staying down does.

Famous Quotes

I am ready to meet my maker. Whether or not my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
- Winston Churchill

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Makes you want to think

* Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
* TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
* A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
* When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
* INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
* Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
* We waste more time by 8:00 in the morning than other companies do all day.
* You pretend to work, and we'll pretend to pay you.
* My wife asked me if I put the cat out. I said I didn't know it was on fire.
* If you don't want anyone to get your goat, don't let them know where you have it tied.
* My horoscope said that the finger of fate will point at me. Unfortunately, it was the middle finger of fate.
* Thank God I'm an atheist.
* Why do people sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" when they're already there?
* Why do hot dogs come ten in a package and the buns only eight?
* What's the difference between slime and a lawyer? I've been looking for years, I still can't find any.
* "99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name."

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Funny thoughts-Insurance

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

Humor Quotes-Balanced diet

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Deep thoughts

Some days you're the bug,
some days you're the windshield.

Thoughts on life-Most essential words

The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "you are right."

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Inspirational thoughts and quotes-While you have it

Work is good, but it's not that important. Money is nice, but you can't take it with you. Statistics show most people don't live to spend all they saved; some die even before they retire. Anything we have isn't really ours; it was given to us and we're just borrowing it while we're here -- even our kids. So enjoy it while you have it.

Sarcastic Quotes-Predictions

It's hard to make predictions, especially about the future

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Humor Quotes

"Today, if you ask a car dealer to let you see something for ten grand, he'll show you the door!"

Funny thoughts-Clicks

Too many clicks spoil the browse.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Motivational Thoughts-An Elephant and A Fly

A disciple and his teacher were walking through the forest. The disciple was disturbed by the fact that his mind was in constant unrest.
He asked his teacher: "Why most people's minds are restless, and only a few possess a calm mind? What can one do to still the mind?"
The teacher looked at the disciple, smiled and said: "I will tell you a story. An elephant was standing and picking leaves from a tree. A small fly came, flying and buzzing near his ear. The elephant waved it away with his long ears. Then the fly came again, and the elephant waved it away once more".
This was repeated several times. Then the elephant asked the fly: "Why are you so restless and noisy? Why can't you stay for a while in one place?"
The fly answered: "I am attracted to whatever I see, hear or smell. My five senses pull me constantly in all directions and I cannot resist them. What is your secret? How can you stay so calm and still?"
The elephant stopped eating and said: "My five senses do not rule my attention. Whatever I do, I get immersed in it. Now that I am eating, I am completely immersed in eating. In this way I can enjoy my food and chew it better. I rule and control my attention, and not the other way around."
Upon hearing these words, the disciple's eyes opened wide and a smile appeared on his face. He looked at his teacher and said: "I understand! If my five senses are in control of my mind and attention, then my mind is in constant unrest. If I am in charge of my five senses and attention, then my mind becomes calm".
"Yes, that's right", answered the teacher," The mind is restless and goes wherever the attention is. Control your attention, and you control your mind.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Thought for the Day-Tongue

Although the tongue weighs very little,
Very few people are able to hold it.

Quotes from Women

I never married, because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband.
I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.
- Marie Corelli

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Bizarre Phobias

Coprophobia - Fear of Feces
Dextrophobia - Fear of objects at the right side of the body.
Alektorophobia - Fear of chickens.
Olfactophobia - Fear of smells.
Anablephobia - Fear of looking up.
Phronemophobia - Fear of thinking.
Tonsurphobia - Fear of haircuts.
Anthophobia - Fear of roses.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Thoughts on life-Living well

Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

Deep thoughts

"Brains, like hearts, go where they are appreciated. "
Robert S. McNamara

Friday, September 26, 2008

Thoughts-A Lesson from Maths

One more instance of how different individuals think and learn differently.
A teacher teaching Maths to seven-year-old Arnav asked him, 'If I give you one apple and one apple and one apple, how many apples will you have?
'Within a few seconds Arnav replied confidently, 'Four!'
The dismayed teacher was expecting an effortless correct answer (three).
She was disappointed. 'Maybe the child did not listen properly,' she thought. She repeated, 'Arnav, listen carefully. If I give you one apple and one apple and one apple, how many apples will you have?'
Arnav had seen the disappointment on his teacher's face. He calculated again on his fingers. But within him he was also searching for the answer that will make the teacher happy. His search for the answer was not for the correct one, but the one that will make his teacher happy. This time hesitatingly he replied, 'Four...'
The disappointment stayed on the teacher's face. She remembered that Arnav liked strawberries. She thought maybe he doesn't like apples and that is making him loose focus. This time with an exaggerated excitement and twinkling in her eyes she asked, 'If I give you one strawberry and one strawberry and one strawberry, then how many you will have?'
Seeing the teacher happy, young Arnav calculated on his fingers again. There was no pressure on him, but a little on the teacher. She wanted her new approach to succeed.
With a hesitating smile, young Arnav enquired, 'Three?'
The teacher now had a victorious smile. Her approach had succeeded. She wanted to congratulate herself. But one last thing remained. Once again she asked him, 'Now if I give you one apple and one apple and one more apple how many will you have?'
Promptly, Arnav answered, 'Four!'
The teacher was aghast. 'How Arnav, how?' she demanded in a little stern and irritated voice.
In a voice that was low and hesitating, young Arnav replied, 'Because I already have one apple in my bag.'
'When someone gives you an answer that is different from what you expect don't think they are wrong. There may be an angle that you have not thought of at all. You will have to listen and understand, and not listen with a predetermined notion.'

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Sarcastic Quotes-Piece of your mind

Don't give other people a piece of your mind unless you can afford it.

Famous Quotes-Knowledge

An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.
-Benjamin Franklin

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Motivational Thoughts-Relaxation

"Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer. Go some distance away because then the work appears smaller and more of it can be taken in at a glance and a lack of harmony and proportion is more readily seen."

Quotes

The best way to serve God is by going in search of your own dreams. Only the happy can spread happiness.
-Paulo Coelho

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Funny thoughts - Why Is Sex Like Riding A Bike?

1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.
2. Its best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.
3. You can do it with no hands, but its best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.
4. Its easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.
5. You can do it by yourself, but its usually not as much fun.
6. Its usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.
7. Its best to have a soft place to land.
8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.
9. If your're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, its usually best to slow down and wait for them.
10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.
11. Once you learn, you never forget how.
12. If you fall off get right back on.
13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.
14. Remember to signal before you change direction.
15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.
16. Sometimes its nice to have a cushy seat.
17. Once your're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.
18. That's why some of them are called Mountin Bikes.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Deep thoughts-The meaning of Life

The meaning of life is not an unquestionable answer,
it is an unanswerable question.

Sarcastic Quotes

Copy from one, it's plagiarism,
Copy from two, it's research

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Thoughts

He who has nothing to die for has nothing to live for.
~Moroccan Proverb

Thoughts on Life

The tragedy of life is not that man loses, but that he almost wins.
~Heywood Broun

Friday, September 19, 2008

Funny thoughts-Why a dog can't use computers

~ He's distracted by cats chasing his mouse.
~ SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question.
~ Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.
~ Three words: carpal paw syndrome.
~ He can't help attacking the screen when he hears "You've Got Mail."
~ The FETCH command isn't available on all platforms.
~ He can't stick his head out of Windows XP.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Short Quotes

"Success isn't permanent, and failure isn't fatal."
- Mike Ditka

Friendship Quotes

A friend is not a spare tyre that u pull out when u feel life has gone flat.
Friend is the steering wheel who helps u to turn your life in the right path.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Motivational thoughts-A short story

A rich landowner named Carl often rode around his vast estate so he could congratulate himself on his great wealth. One day while riding around his estate on his favorite horse, he saw Hans, an old tenant farmer. Hans was sitting under a tree when Carl rode by.
Hans said, 'I was just thanking God for my food.'
Carl protested, 'If that is all I had to eat, I wouldn't feel like giving thanks.'
Hans replied, 'God has given me everything I need, and I am thankful for it.'
The old farmer added, 'It is strange you should come by today because I had a dream last night. In my dream a voice told me, 'The richest man in the valley will die tonight.' I don't know what it means, but I thought I ought to tell you.'
Carl snorted, 'Dreams are nonsense,' and galloped away, but he could not forget Hans' words: 'The richest man in the valley will die tonight.'
He was obviously the richest man in the valley, so he invited his doctor to his house that evening.
Carl told the doctor what Hans had said. After a thorough examination, the doctor told the wealthy landowner, 'Carl, you are as strong and healthy as a horse. There is no way you are going to die tonight.'
Nevertheless, for assurance, the doctor stayed with Carl, and they played cards through the night. The doctor left the next morning and Carl apologized for becoming so upset over the old man's dream. At about nine o'clock, a messenger arrived at Carl's door.
'What is it?' Carl demanded.
The messenger explained, 'It's about old Hans. He died last night in his sleep.'

Monday, September 15, 2008

Funny thoughts-Political jokes

Do you know what's wrong with political jokes?
They get elected

Famous quotes

"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice."
- Albert Einstein

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Deep thoughts-The truth

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Inspirational thoughts-Best friend

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as
he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'
'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.
'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.
'Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.'
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveler asked.
'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'
'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'
'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.
'There should be a bowl by the pump.'
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.
'This is Heaven,' he answered.
'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'
'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'
'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'
'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'
So...