Fine line

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

So pleasant!

If work were so pleasant, the rich would keep it for themselves.

Paranoid exhibitionist

I'm a paranoid exhibitionist. I always feel like I'm being watched, but I don't particularly care.
- Scott E. Roeben

An awkward stage

I'm going through an awkward stage. You know, the one between birth and death.

- Scott E. Roeben

Hilarious quotes-Claustrophobic

I’m definitely claustrophobic. I have a morbid fear of tight spaces. Thankfully, with my girlfriend, I’ll never have a problem with that. 

- Scott E. Roeben

Hilarious quotes-Use of happiness

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

- Henry Youngman

Funny thoughts-Useful things

"Bart, with $10000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!

- Homer Simpson

Hilarious quotes-Finance

Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears.

- Robert W. Sarnoff

Humor quotes-Nothing to do

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little

Hilarious quotes-Sagging

"The Hooters Hotel and Casino here in Las Vegas isn't doing too well, I've heard. I guess you might say their business is sagging."
- Scott E. Roeben

Sarcastic quotes-Dumped glitter

''A gay activist dumped glitter all over Newt Gingrich. He wants Newt to stop being against gay marriage. But Newt believes marriage is a sacred bond between a man and his wife and his mistress and the other woman he's seeing on the side.''
- Jay Leno

Hilarious quotes-When life ends

"What will my friends and loved ones say about me when my life ends and I'm laid to rest?
They'll probably say, 'Wow. He finally got laid.'"
- Scott E. Roeben

Humor quotes-Loser

"If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything."
- Bill Lyon

Hilarious quotes-What I do

My wife doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I don't have a good time.
- Leo Trevino

Hilarious quotes-Black and whilte

For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip.
- John Motson - BBC TV football commentator.

Hilarious quotes-Marriage license

I'm the only man who has a marriage license made out "To Whom It My Concern ".
- Mickey Rooney

Divorce and remarriage

I don't understand couples who divorce and remarry. That's like pouring milk on a bowl of cereal, tasting it, and saying, "This milk is sour. Well, I'll put it back in the refrigerator - maybe it will be okay tomorrow."
- Larry Miller

Sarcastic quotes-What do women want?

Sigmund Freud once said, "What do women want?"
The only thing I have learned in fifty-two years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.
- Bill Cosby

Humor quotes-Inventor

"I used to be an inventor. In fact, who do you think up with the inflatable voodoo doll?"
- Scott E. Roeben

Hilarious quotes-Shower curtain

"I swam 400 laps today. And that wasn't easy. Half the time the shower curtain was in the way."
- Scott E. Roeben