Famous people quotes-Bowhunter

"If Elvis Presley had been a bowhunter, he'd probably be alive today."
- Ted Nugent, rock star

Thought for the day-Change looks

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.
-Charles Gordy

Proverbs-Truly rich

The truly rich are those who enjoy what they have.
- Yiddish Proverb

Sarcastic quotes-Horse races

According to The New York Times, Mexican drug cartels launder millions and million of dollars through horse races. I hate to see something like betting on horses become corrupt and seedy? What's next, boxing?
- Jay Leno

Deep thoughts-Claim possession

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Famous people quotes-Rule

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
- Rene Descartes

Funny thoughts-Scream

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Sexual quotes-In trouble

Sex got me into trouble from the age of fifteen: I'm hoping that by the time I'm seventy I'll straighten it out.
- Harold Robbins

Political quotes-Fast and Furious

Today President Obama used his executive privileges to withhold documents about the weapons operation called Fast and Furious. I don't know what's scarier - that we can't see those documents or that the government is naming operations after Vin Diesel movies.
- Jimmy Fallon

Inspirational quotes-Small group

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has.
- Margaret Mead

Hilarious quotes-Women like clothes

"Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to the clothes."
- Rita Rudner

Famous people quotes-Understanding

I do not want the peace that passeth understanding.
I want the understanding which bringeth peace.
- Helen Keller

Motivational thoughts-However stale

Appreciate again and again, freshly and naively, the basic goods of life, with awe, pleasure, wonder and even ecstasy, however stale these experiences may have become to others.
- Abraham Maslow

Inspirational quotes-Harder

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)

Thought for the day-Praise or criticism

You can't let praise or criticism get to you. It's a weakness to get caught up in either one.
- John Wooden

Funny quotes-Persuade

I sit here all day trying to persuade people to do the things they ought to have sense enough to do without my persuading them.
- Harry S. Truman

Deep thoughts-Compassionate act

There is no small act of kindness.
Every compassionate act makes large the world.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Famous people quotes-Rainbow

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,
you gotta put up with the rain.
- Dolly Parton

Thought for the day-The time to relax

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.
- Sydney J. Harris

Sarcastic quotes-Feminist breakthrough

China is now preparing to send their first woman into outer space. Which at first seems like a feminist breakthrough until you realize she doesn't want to go.
- Jay Leno

Motivational thoughts-Preserving your identity

The world would like to change you;
There are pressures all around,
You must decide just who you are,
Then firmly hold your ground.

You have an image of yourself,
An ideal sense of you;
And to this vision you must always
Struggle to be true.

You know what you are good at,
And you know where talents lie;
But if you're ruled by others,
Your uniqueness could pass by.

Remember, there is much to learn,
All new things aren't good,
Wisdom lies in what you've learned
And what you have withstood.

So be yourself and don't allow
The world to take control,
Preserving your identity
Is life's most precious goal.

Funny thoughts-Stanley Cup champs

The L.A. Kings are the Stanley Cup champions. First time in their 45-year history. And it's ironic - the Devils lost in the City of Angels.
- Jay Leno

Famous people quotes-Expert

Believe one who has proved it. Believe an expert.
- Virgil, Aeneid

Humor quotes-Last visit to the White House

TV icon Betty White visited President Obama in the Oval Office this week. The last time Betty visited the White House, it was still under construction.
- Jay Leno

Sexual quotes-Pat

The best sex education for kids is when Daddy pats Mommy on the fanny when he comes home from work.
~William H. Masters

Irish proverb-Son in law

Never praise your son in law until the year is out.

Thoughts-Lost some friends

I lost some friends I truly loved,
For whom I’m greatly sorrowed,
Those were not humans, who have perished,
Those were books that humans borrowed.

Thought for the day-Enough rain

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

Political quotes-Support

Pundits are saying that President Obama is starting to lose support among his own party. To give you an idea of how bad it's gotten, today Jimmy Carter compared him to Jimmy Carter.
- Jay Leno

Inspirational quotes-Get up

It's not whether you get knocked down,
it's whether you get up.
- Vince Lombardi

Funny quotes-Eclipse

Astronomy is fascinating, and yesterday there was an eclipse. Venus was involved along with the sun and the Earth. The depressing part is it won't happen again for another hundred years. It's like a Mets no-hitter.
- David Letterman

Famous people quotes-Three stages

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)

Bono's gain

U2 singer Bono may have made over $1 billion from Facebook going public. A spokesman for U2 said the band is still going to tour but only because the drummer invested heavily in MySpace. - Conan O'Brien

Friendship quotes-Comes in

"A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out".
-Grace Pulpit

Movie quotes-Turn

Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.”
- Better Off Dead

Hilarious quotes-Justin Bieber

It's Memorial Day, although it's not a good day for America's favorite Canadian, Justin Bieber. He's wanted for questioning by the Los Angeles sheriff's department. Apparently Bieber had an altercation with a photographer. Bieber went all Mel Gibson on some dude.

Now Justin's on the lam, considered armed and adorable.

The photographer says he was roughed up by Justin Bieber. He had to go to the hospital. Doctors say he'll live, but his masculinity will never fully recover.
- Craig Ferguson

Philosophical quotes-Universalize

Will localizes us; thought universalizes us.
- Henri Frederic Amiel

Political quotes-Life sentence

Former Egyptian leader Hosni Mubarak has been sentenced to life in prison. You know, it's too bad we couldn't get the John Edwards trial moved to Egypt.
- Jay Leno

Sexual quotes-Widespread taste

A widespread taste for pornography means that nature is alerting us to some threat of extinction.
- J.G. Ballard, "News from the Sun," Myths of the Near Future, 1982

Famous people quotes-Excessive literary production

I have the conviction that excessive literary production is a social offense.
- George Eliot

Sarcastic quotes-Reversible

Mitt Romney has been giving his volunteers a free sweatshirt for making phone calls on his behalf. The sweatshirts are just like Romney, 100 percent reversible.
- Jimmy Fallon

Deep thoughts-Quitting

Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.
- Lance Armstrong (bicycle racer)

Thought for the day-Angry with God

It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
- Regina Brett

Proverbs-Anger

Anger is often more hurtful than the injury that caused it.
- English Proverb

Hilarious political quotes-Misspelling

Speaking of Mitt Romney, his campaign is in the news for misspelling several words on his promotional items. Today, Romney issued a press release that said, "I'll get to the bottom of this, or my name isn't Malt Ramrod."
- Jimmy Fallon

Thought for the day-Before they are easy

All things are difficult before they are easy.
- Thomas Fuller

Hilarious quotes-Trade places

First lady Michelle Obama said that if she could trade places with anyone in the world, it would be Beyoncé. Of course it got awkward when Barack was like, "I'm game!"
- Jimmy Fallon

Love quotes-Miss life

Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life.
-Leo Buscaglia

Success quotes-Breathed easier

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Political quotes-The Hangover

Next week Mitt Romney will campaign in Las Vegas with Donald Trump and Newt Gingrich. Did somebody say "The Hangover, Part III?"
- Jimmy Fallon

Famous people quotes-Tolerance

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

Philosophical quotes-Immortality

Skin is a covering for our immortality.
- Ever Garrison

Inspirational quotes-Successful

Successful people are simply those with successful habits.
- Brian Tracy

Beautiful quote-Felt

The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.
- Helen Keller

Famous people quotes-Feeling sorry

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Daily quotes-Celebrate

Share our similarities, celebrate our differences.
- M. Scott Peck

Proverbs-Guarded

There is a crock of gold in the tomb of every chieftain, but they are all guarded by cats and fairies.
-Irish proverb

Sexual quotes-Cat fights

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

Movie quotes-Guns and knives

Guns are for show. Knives are for pros.”
- Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels.

Famous people quotes-Deeds

Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds.
- George Eliot

Thought for the day-Another planet's Hell

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell
- Aldous Huxley

Thought for the day-What is right

Whatever your friends and family do,
Always do what you know is right.

Hilarious quotes-Who does what?

Same-sex marriage would have men married to men and women married to women. Well, who complains about the credit card bill and who says, "Well, you want me to look nice, don't you?" And who writes the thank-you notes and who just signs their name?
- David Letterman

Deep thoughts-Held back

We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past,
but by the love we're not extending in the present.
- Marianne Williamson