Deep thoughts-Physician

Hope is the physician of each misery.
- Irish Proverb

Funny marriage quote

I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund.

Thoughts-What is on the other side?

A sick man turned to his doctor, as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said, with tears in his eyes, "Doctor, I am afraid to die, please tell me what is on the other side?"
Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know"
"You don't know?" said the sick man, "How come you don't know what is on the other side?"
The doctor was holding the handle of the door.
On the other side of the door, there was a sound of scratching and whining. As he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.
Turning to the patient, the doctor said, "Did you notice my dog? It has never been in this room before; it didn't know what was inside except that its master was here.
When the door opened, it sprang in without fear.
We don't know what is on the other side of death, but we know that our Master is there and that is quite enough".

Motivational thoughts-Feed

If you can't feed a hundred people, then just feed one.
- Mother Teresa, 1910-1997, Albanian-born Humanitarian and Missionary

Famous quotes-Change

Some men change their party for the sake of their principles;
others their principles for the sake of their party.
~Winston Churchill

Short quotes-Drink upstream

Always drink upstream from the herd.
- Will Rogers

Funny thoughts-Bright side

If you cannot see the bright side of life, there is nothing to do but keep polishing the dull side.

Thoughts on life-Good cards

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
-- Josh Billings

Love quotes-Hours I spend

The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain singing to it. You and you alone make me feel that I am alive. Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough.
~George Moore

Thought for the day-Test of courage

The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.

Political quotes-War between men

Before you can begin to think about politics at all, you have to abandon the notion that there is a war between good men and bad men.
~Walter Lippmann

Funny thoughts-Subordinate clauses

Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses

Inspirational quotes-New day

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.
- Eleanor Roosevelt, 1884-1962, American Humanitarian and Former First Lady of the United States

Sex quotes-Without being good

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.
- Jimmy DeMaret

Random thoughts-Fast enough

If everything seems under control, you aren't going fast enough.

Thoughts-Words of encouragement

A teenager lived alone with his father, and the two of them had a very special relationship. The father believed in encouragement.

This young man was the smallest of the class when he entered high school. His father continued to encourage him but also made it very clear that he did not have to play football if he didn't want to. But the young man loved football and decided to hang in there. He was determined to try his best at every practice, and perhaps he'd get to play when he became a senior. Even though the son was always on the bench, his father was always in the stands cheering. He never missed a game.

All through high school he never missed neither a practice nor a game, but remained a bench warmer all four years. His faithful father was always in the stands, always with words of encouragement for him. When the young man went to college, he decided to try out for the football team as a "walk-on." Everyone was sure he could never make the cut, but he did. The coach admitted that he kept him on the roster because he always puts his heart and soul to every practice, and at the same time, provided the other members with the spirit and hustle they badly needed. The news that he had survived the cut thrilled him so much that he rushed to the nearest phone and called his father.

His father shared his excitement and was sent season tickets for all the college games. This persistent young athlete never missed practice during his four years at college, but he never got to play in the game. It was the end of his senior football season, and as he trotted onto the practice field shortly before the big play off game, the coach met him with a telegram. The young man read the telegram and he became deathly silent. Swallowing hard, he mumbled to the coach, "My father died this morning. Is it all right if I miss practice today?"

The coach put his arm gently around his shoulder and said, "Take the rest of the week off, son. And don't even plan to come back to the game on Saturday." Saturday arrived, and the game was not going well. In the third quarter, when the team was ten points behind, a silent young man quietly slipped into the empty locker room and put on his football gear. As he ran onto the sidelines, the coach and his players were astounded to see their faithful team-mate back so soon.
"Coach, please let me play. I've just got to play today," said the young man.
The coach pretended not to hear him. There was no way he wanted his worst player in this close playoff game. But the young man persisted, and finally feeling sorry for the kid, the coach gave in. "All right," he said. "You can go in."

Before long, the coach, the players and everyone in the stands could not believe their eyes. This little unknown, who had never played before, was doing everything right.

The opposing team could not stop him. He ran, he passed, blocked and tackled like a star. His team began to triumph. The score was soon tied. In the closing seconds of the game, this kid intercepted a pass and ran all the way for the winning touchdown. The fans broke loose. His team-mates hoisted him onto their shoulders. Such cheering you've never heard! Finally, after the stands had emptied and the team had showered and left the locker room, the coach noticed that the young man was sitting quietly in the corner all alone. The coach came to him and said, "Kid, I can't believe it. You were fantastic!
Tell me what got into you? How did you do it?"

He looked at the coach, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Well, you knew my dad died, but did you know that my dad was blind?" The young man swallowed hard and forced a smile, "Dad came to all my games, but today was the first time he could see me play, and I wanted to show him I could do it . .. . "

Humor quotes-Bad attitude

"Something is wrong here: War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the resume of a supreme being. This is the kinda (expletive) you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude."
- George Carlin

Friendship quotes-Melody

In the rhythm of life, we sometime find ourselves out of tune, but as long as there are friends to provide the melody, the music plays on.
~ Anonymous

Deep thoughts-The beauty of a woman

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,
The figure that she carries,
Or
The way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives,
The passion that she shows,
And
The beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

Thoughts on life-Obstacles

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin-real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
-- Alfred D. Souza

Political quotes-Best men

It is not in the nature of politics that the best men should be elected. The best men do not want to govern their fellowmen.
~George E. MacDonald

Sarcastic quotes-Longing eye

Whenever a man has cast a longing eye on offices, a rottenness begins in his conduct.
~Thomas Jefferson

Funny thoughts-Consultant

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

Thought for the day-Bird sings

A bird does not sing because he has the answer to something, he sings because he has a song.

Love quotes-Symbol of eternity

Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end.
~Author Unknown

Marriage quotes-Curtains

In marriage, the bride gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains!

Sexual quotes-Again

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
- Rod Stewart

Quotes-Led wisely

Ten soldiers wisely led will beat a hundred without a head.
- Euripides

Friendship quotes-Rub it out

If a friend makes a mistake, don't rub it in... Rub it out

Thoughts-Choose your allies carefully

A Mouse who always lived on the land, by an unlucky chance, formed an intimate acquaintance with a Frog, who lived, for the most part, in the water. One day, the Frog was intent on mischief. He tied the foot of the Mouse tightly to his own. Thus joined together, the Frog led his friend the Mouse to the meadow where they usually searched for food.
After this, he gradually led him towards the pond in which he lived, until reaching the banks of the water, he suddenly jumped in, dragging the Mouse with him. The Frog enjoyed the water amazingly, and swam croaking about, as if he had done a good deed.
The unhappy Mouse was soon sputtered and drowned in the water, and his poor dead body floating about on the surface. A Hawk observed the floating Mouse from the sky, and dove down and grabbed it with his talons, carrying it back to his nest.
The Frog, being still fastened to the leg of the Mouse, was also carried off a prisoner, and was eaten by the Hawk.
MORAL : "Choose your allies carefully"

Deep thoughts-Reason to be alive

When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people.
I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.
- Rita Mae Brown

Funny thoughts-High jumpers

High jumpers do well at the Olympics because it's always on a leap year

Political quotes-Separate

Politics - I don't know why, but they seem to have a tendency to separate us, to keep us from one another, while nature is always and ever making efforts to bring us together.
~Sean O'Casey

Thoughts on Life-To enjoy

All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.
- Samuel Butler

Golf quotes-Unanswered prayers

The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.
- Billy Graham

Thought for the day-God loves you

God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

Sarcastic quotes-Vote

If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
~Jay Leno

Love quotes-Crawl

Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.
~Zora Neale Hurston

Thought for the day-Masters

Let's all be masters of our mouths, so that we won't be slaves of our words.

Friendship quotes-Forget

A real friend is a person who, when you've made a fool of yourself, lets you forget it.

Short quotes-Narcissist

"A narcissist is someone better looking than you are."

Thoughts on Life-Early losses

In the game of life it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.
- Bill Baughan

Funny thoughts-Pregnant

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

Thoughts-Can Socialism succeed?

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before but had once failed an entire class.
That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.
The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism. All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.
After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B.
The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.
As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.
The second test average was a D! No one was happy.
When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.
The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.
All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also.
ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.
Could not be any simpler than that.

Old proverbs

1. A Bone to Pick (someone who wants to discuss a disagreement)

2. An Axe to Grind (Someone who has a hidden motive) This phrase is said to have originated from Benjamin Franklin who told a story about a devious man who asked how a grinding wheel worked. He ended up walking away with his axe sharpened free of charge)

3. One bad apple spoils the whole barrel (one corrupt person can cause all the others to go bad if you don't remove the bad one)

4. At sea (lost or not understanding something)

5. Bad Egg (Someone who was not a good person)

Political quotes-Imposter

A political leader is necessarily an imposter since he believes in solving life's problems without asking its question.
~André Malraux

Deep thoughts-Goodbye

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
~From the movie Annie

Sexual quotes-Enough blood

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
- Robin Williams

Life-How

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.
- Joey Adams

Thought for the day-Key to happiness

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
- Rita Mae Brown

Love quotes-Direction

Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Thoughts on Life-What we give

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.
- Winston Churchill

Meaningful quotes-Bounce

Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.

Friendship quotes-Achievement

It is indeed an achievement not to make 100 friends but to keep one friend for 100 years.
~ Unknown

Political quotes-Senators with breasts

I think it's about time we voted for senators with breasts. After all, we've been voting for boobs long enough.
~Clarie Sargent, Arizona senatorial candidate

Famous funny last words

-> Hey that's not a violin.
-> I'll just slip into the commuter lane for a second.
-> I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
-> You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you?

Deep thoughts-Play

If you do not run the risk to lose, you will never win. The important thing is to play.

Short quotes-Pessimism

Pessimism never won any battle.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower, 1890-1969, 34th President of the United States

Humor quotes-Marriage definitions

BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.

Thoughts-Two screws

Once upon a time there were two screws fastening a vital part of a gasoline engine. One of the screws was haughty and proud of it's shining head. The second screw was quiet, intent only on doing its job to the best of its ability.
One day a speck of rust appeared on the head of the second screw. Filled with vain pride of its own beauty, the first screw began to laugh at the second. "Your head is tarnished," the first said to the second. "Look at you. Your perfect luster is gone."
The second screw said nothing. Instead, it concentrated on what it was doing. "How ugly you have become," the first screw chortled, "and how beautiful I have remained." Then it began to laugh so hard at the second screw that it failed to notice that it was working itself loose. Finally it dropped off the engine and plunged into a small pool of dirty oil below.
With the first screw no longer holding up its end of the load, the second was faced with doing the work of two. Meanwhile the first screw, now covered with grimy oil, wailed and lamented. "Just look at me! I'm dirty and filthy and all my beauty is gone. By laughing at the blemish on my friend the second screw, I worked myself loose and fell into the muck. Now I'm doomed."
Now, it just so happened that a short time later the owner of the engine started it up. He immediately noticed that something didn't sound right -- the engine was running rough. When he checked, he instantly saw that one of the two screws holding the vital part was missing. "Ah ha!" the owner said. "One of the screws must have worked itself loose and fell to the ground, but I don't see it. Maybe it fell into that puddle of old oil."
The owner reached into the oil and found the missing screw. "Look at you," the owner said. "You're all covered with grime and oil. How ugly you are. But I will fix that right away." The owner reached for a nearby rag and wiped all the oil and grime off the first screw until it shone even brighter than before. Then he replaced it on the part. Before he turned away, he noticed a little speck of tarnish on the head of the second screw. With the second rag, he wiped the head clean and bright. Then the owner walked away.
Finally the engine was started. The two screws, now equally beautiful, held the part tight. "Forgive me, my friend," the first screw said to the second. "In my vanity, I was so busy laughing at your blemish that I did not notice that I was working myself loose."
"And what have you learned?" the second screw quietly asked.
"I learned not to judge others because I have my own sins to deal with."
"Then," the second screw said, "I forgive you."
"Thank you, my friend. And rest assured, my vanity will remain forever at the bottom of that dirty puddle of oil."