I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, start out dead and get it out of the way. Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, then, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday, and finally you finish off as an orgasm.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Famous Quotes-Man of Value
Try not to become a man of success
but rather, to become a man of value.
-Albert Einstein
but rather, to become a man of value.
-Albert Einstein
Funny thoughts-3 Easy Ways to Die :
Take a Cigar daily - You will die 10 years early.
Drink Rum daily - You will die 30 years early.
Love Someone Truly - You will die daily.
Drink Rum daily - You will die 30 years early.
Love Someone Truly - You will die daily.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Humor Quotes-If only
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
---Woody Allen
---Woody Allen
Thoughts-Numbers
Why are Numbers like : 1 is One & 2 is two.... interesting
Have you ever thought why........ 1 means "one", and 2 means "two"?
The roman numerals are easy to understand but what was the logic behind the phonecian numbers?
It's all about angles!
It's the number of angles.
If one writes the numbers down (see below) on a piece of paper in their older forms, one quickly sees why.
I have marked the angles with "0"s.
No 1 has one angle.
No 2 has two angles.
No 3 has three angles. etc.
and "O" has no angles
Interesting, isn't it?
An ancient phonecian manuscript explains this and I thought it to be fascinating.
Have you ever thought why........ 1 means "one", and 2 means "two"?
The roman numerals are easy to understand but what was the logic behind the phonecian numbers?
It's all about angles!
It's the number of angles.
If one writes the numbers down (see below) on a piece of paper in their older forms, one quickly sees why.
I have marked the angles with "0"s.
No 1 has one angle.
No 2 has two angles.
No 3 has three angles. etc.
and "O" has no angles
Interesting, isn't it?
An ancient phonecian manuscript explains this and I thought it to be fascinating.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Thought for the day
Man is certainly stark mad: He cannot make a flea, yet he makes gods by the dozens.
- Montaigne
- Montaigne
Monday, June 23, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Famous quotes-Glory
Your greatest glory is not in never falling,
but in getting up every time we do.
-Confucius
but in getting up every time we do.
-Confucius
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Humor quotes from Athletes
Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
*****
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at 6 o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
*****
Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
*****
Frank Layden, former Niagara University coach and Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, "Coach, I don't know and I don't care."
*****
Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four Fs and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
*****
Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded:"Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye."
*****
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at 6 o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
*****
Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
*****
Frank Layden, former Niagara University coach and Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, "Coach, I don't know and I don't care."
*****
Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four Fs and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
*****
Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded:"Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye."
Funny thoughts
The three most amazing things about women are:
1 They can give milk without eating grass.
2 They can bleed for a week and not die.
3 They can bury a bone and not get their noses dirty.
2 They can bleed for a week and not die.
3 They can bury a bone and not get their noses dirty.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Quotes-Free to choose
While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions.
-Stephen R Covey
-Stephen R Covey
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Funny thoughts-Laws of the Natural Universe
----> Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
----> Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
----> Law of probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
----> Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
----> Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
----> Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)
----> Bath Theorum:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
----> Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
----> Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
----> Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
----> Theatre Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
----> Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
----> Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
----> Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
----> Law of Location:
No matter where you go,... there you are.
----> Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible... if you don't know what you are talking about.
----> Brown's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
----> Oliver's Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
----> Wilson's Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
----> Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
----> Law of probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
----> Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
----> Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
----> Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)
----> Bath Theorum:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
----> Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
----> Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
----> Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
----> Theatre Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
----> Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
----> Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
----> Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
----> Law of Location:
No matter where you go,... there you are.
----> Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible... if you don't know what you are talking about.
----> Brown's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
----> Oliver's Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
----> Wilson's Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Love Quotes
You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy; even if you're not part of their happiness.
~ Unknown
In our life there is a single color, as on an artist`s palette, which provides the meaning of life and art. It is the color of love.
~ Marc Chagall
If we discovered that we only had five minutes left to say all that we wanted to say, every telephone booth would be occupied by people calling other people to stammer that they loved them.
~ Unknown
~ Unknown
In our life there is a single color, as on an artist`s palette, which provides the meaning of life and art. It is the color of love.
~ Marc Chagall
If we discovered that we only had five minutes left to say all that we wanted to say, every telephone booth would be occupied by people calling other people to stammer that they loved them.
~ Unknown
Monday, June 16, 2008
Famous quotes-Condemn none
Condemn none. if you can stretch out a helping hand, do so. If you cannot, fold your hands, bless your brothers, and let them go their own way.
- Swami Vivekananda
- Swami Vivekananda
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Funny thoughts-Liberation
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Inspirational Quotes from the Mahabharata
Skill is the best of all laudable things.
Knowledge best of all possessions.
Health best of all gains and peace of mind is the best of all happiness.
- The Mahabharata.
Knowledge best of all possessions.
Health best of all gains and peace of mind is the best of all happiness.
- The Mahabharata.
Humor quotes on Sex
- There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
- Virginity can be cured.
- Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.
- Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
- I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
- Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Short Quotes-Characters
Men show their characters in nothing more clearly than in what they think laughable.
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Funny thoughts-One liners
- A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.
- Drive carefully. We need every taxpayer we can get.
- Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.
- There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. It could be a right number.
- There is no right way to do a wrong thing.
- There's one difference between the tax collector and the taxidermist. The taxidermist leaves the hide.
Inspirational quotes-Challenged
Our prayers are answered not when we are given what we ask,
but when we are challenged to do what we can be.
- Morris Adler
but when we are challenged to do what we can be.
- Morris Adler
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Humor Quotes
- For those of you who have children and don't know about it, we have a nursery downstairs. - On a church sign, Dallas
- A dyslexic, agnostic insomniac - one who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog...
- A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and they should be as close together as possible
Monday, June 9, 2008
Famous Quotes-Doubt
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
- Bertrand Russell
- Bertrand Russell
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Quotes-Someone else
Get someone else to blow your horn and
the sound will carry twice as far.
- Will Rogers
the sound will carry twice as far.
- Will Rogers
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
Funny thoughts- Newton's laws of infatuation
- Love can neither be created nor be destroyed, only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money.
- a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until on unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy.
- The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increament or decreament of the bank balance.
- a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until on unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy.
- The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increament or decreament of the bank balance.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Irish proverbs
* Any man can lose his hat in a fairy-wind.
* It is a lonely washing that has no man's shirt in it.
* Woe to the man who that entrusts his secrets to a ditch.
* Men are like bagpipes-no sound comes from them until they're full.
* Long loneliness is better than bad company.
* If you meet a red-haired woman, you'll meet a crowd.
* What butter and whiskey will not cure there's no cure for.
* It is a lonely washing that has no man's shirt in it.
* Woe to the man who that entrusts his secrets to a ditch.
* Men are like bagpipes-no sound comes from them until they're full.
* Long loneliness is better than bad company.
* If you meet a red-haired woman, you'll meet a crowd.
* What butter and whiskey will not cure there's no cure for.
Quotes-Obstacles
If you can find a path with no obstacles,
it probably doesn't lead anywhere.
- Frank Clark
it probably doesn't lead anywhere.
- Frank Clark
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Random thoughts
We make them cry who care for us,
We cry for those who never care for us,
And we care for those who will never cry for us..
We cry for those who never care for us,
And we care for those who will never cry for us..
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Life-Vision
The train has started moving. It was packed with people of all ages, mostly with the working men and women and young college guys and gals. Near the window was seated an old man with his 30 years old son. As the train moves by, the son is overwhelmed with joy as he is thrilled with the scenery outside..
"See dad, the scenery of green trees moving away is so beautiful!!"
This behavior from a thirty year old man made the other people feel strange about him. Every one started murmuring something or other about this man"This guy seems to be a crack case.." newly married Anup whispered to his wife.
Suddenly it started raining... Rain drops fell on the travelers through the opened window. The Thirty year old son , filled with joy, says "See dad, how beautiful the rain is .."
Anup's wife got irritated with the rain drops spoiling her new suit.
Anup ,"Cant you see its raining, you old man, if your son is not feeling well get him soon to a mental hospital..and dont cause disturbance in public henceforth"
The old man hesitated first and then in a low tone replied "We are on the way back from hospital, my son got discharged today morning, he was a blind by birth, he got his vision last week only, the rain and nature are new to his eyes.. Please forgive us for the inconvenience caused.."
"See dad, the scenery of green trees moving away is so beautiful!!"
This behavior from a thirty year old man made the other people feel strange about him. Every one started murmuring something or other about this man"This guy seems to be a crack case.." newly married Anup whispered to his wife.
Suddenly it started raining... Rain drops fell on the travelers through the opened window. The Thirty year old son , filled with joy, says "See dad, how beautiful the rain is .."
Anup's wife got irritated with the rain drops spoiling her new suit.
Anup ,"Cant you see its raining, you old man, if your son is not feeling well get him soon to a mental hospital..and dont cause disturbance in public henceforth"
The old man hesitated first and then in a low tone replied "We are on the way back from hospital, my son got discharged today morning, he was a blind by birth, he got his vision last week only, the rain and nature are new to his eyes.. Please forgive us for the inconvenience caused.."
Monday, June 2, 2008
Deep thoughts-Forgiveness
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.
-Paul Boese
-Paul Boese
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Funny thoughts-Great truths that little children have learned
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
4) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
5) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
6) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
7) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
8) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
9) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
10) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
4) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
5) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
6) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
7) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
8) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
9) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
10) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
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