Thoughts on Life

Life is only traveled once.
Today's moment becomes tomorrow's memory.
Enjoy every moment good or bad
Because the gift of Life is LIFE itself.

Funny thoughts-Undertakers

Undertakers are nice - they're the last to let people down.

Quotes-Kinder

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

Thoughts on Time

Thought for the day-Worry

Worry is like a rocking chair; it keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere.

Quotes on Dogs

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings

Funny thoughts-Sucker

The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

Inspirational quotes-Live with...

Sarcastic quotes-Taxes

Death and taxes are inevitable;
at least death doesn't get worse every year.

Quotes on Marriage-Give & Take

Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give.
- Cass Daley

Thought for the Day-Feel

People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did,
But people will never forget how you made them feel"

Sexual quotes-Guess

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
- Arnold Schwarzenegger

Thoughts-The Barnyard Duck

A flock of wild ducks were flying in formation, heading south for the winter. They formed a beautiful V in the sky, and were admired by everyone who saw them from below. One day, Wally, one of the wild ducks in the formation, spotted something on the ground that caught his eye. It was a barnyard with a flock of tame ducks who lived on the farm.
They were waddling around on the ground, quacking merrily and eating corn that was thrown on the ground for them every day. Wally liked what he saw. "It sure would be nice to have some of that corn," he thought to himself. "And all this flying is very tiring. I'd like to just waddle around for a while."
So after thinking it over a while, Wally left the formation of wild ducks, made a sharp dive to the left, and headed for the barnyard. He landed among the tame ducks, and began to waddle around and quack merrily. He also started eating corn. The formation of wild ducks continued their journey South, but Wally didn't care. "I'll rejoin them when they come back North in a few months, he said to himself.
Several months went by and sure enough, Wally looked up and spotted the flock of wild ducks in formation, heading north. They looked beautiful up there. And Wally was tired of the barnyard. It was muddy and everywhere he waddled, nothing but duck doo. "It's time to leave," said Wally.
So Wally flapped his wings furiously and tried to get airborne. But he had gained some weight from all his corn-eating, and he hadn't exercised his wings much either. He finally got off the ground, but he was flying too low and slammed into the side of the barn.
He fell to the ground with a thud and said to himself, "Oh, well, I'll just wait until they fly south in a few months. Then I'll rejoin them and become a wild duck again."
But when the flock flew overhead once more, Wally again tried to lift himself out of the barnyard. He simply didn't have the strength. Every winter and every spring, he saw his wild duck friends flying overhead, and they would call out to him.
But his attempts to leave were all in vain. Eventually Wally no longer paid any attention to the wild ducks flying overhead. He hardly even noticed them. He had, after all, become a barnyard duck.
Look what happened to Wally. He thought he would just "check-it-out" for awhile and then leave when he wanted to. But he couldn't do it. Sin and bad habits are like that. It is a trap, and it has a way of changing us into people we don't even want to become. Eventually we lose touch with who we really are . We become barnyard ducks.

Funny thoughts-Cured

A good many childhood ailments are cured miraculously as soon as it's too late to go to school.

Motivational thoughts-Change

Proverbs-Smooth

A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner
- English Proverb.

Humor quotes-Fractions

I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

Quotes-All

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
-M. Acklam

Funny thoughts-Problems

Some people have more problems than an arithmetic book.

Famous political quotes-Democracy

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
- James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

Friendship quotes-In touch with friends

Thought for the day-Happiness

Happiness is the delicate balance of what one is and what one has.
It is the inner joy that can be sought or caught,
But never taught or bought.

Funny thoughts-Change

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Sarcastic humor quotes-Rose

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Inspirational quotes-Mistakes

Deep thoughts-The Fork

There was a woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things "in order", she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.
The woman also requested to be buried with her favorite Bible.
Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.
"There's one more thing," she said excitedly.
"What's that?" came the pastor's reply.
"This is very important," the woman continued. "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand."
The pastor didn't know what to say. "That surprises you, doesn't it?" the woman asked.
"Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the pastor.
The woman explained. "In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork'.
It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming... Like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance. So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder, 'What's with the fork?' Then I want you to tell them : "Keep your fork...the best is yet to come".
The pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the woman the last time he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She KNEW that something better was coming.
At the funeral people were walking by the woman's casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing, her favorite Bible and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the pastor heard the question, "What's with the fork?" And over and over he smiled. During his message, the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the woman about what it symbolized to her.
The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either. He was right.
So the next time you reach down for your fork let it remind you, oh so gently, that the best is yet to come.

Thought for the day-Help

We can't help everyone, but everyone can help someone."
~ Dr. Loretta Scott

Sexual quotes-Divorce

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
-- Robin Williams

Thoughts on Life-Fall

"When you fall in any way, don't see the place where you fell instead see the place from where you slipped. Life is about correcting mistakes."

Funny thoughts-Writer

I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.

Friendship quotes-Touches

"A friend is someone who reaches for your hand, and touches your heart."

Motivational thoughts-Today is Special

Thought for the day-Worry

Worry is like a rocking chair; it keeps you busy,
but gets you nowhere.

Funny thoughts-Choose

"How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?"

Famous Quotes-Dumb

"Gerry Ford is so dumb that he can't fart and chew gum at the same time."
- Former U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson.

Love quotes-Together

"Sympathy constitutes friendship; but in love there is a sort of antipathy, or opposing passion. Each strives to be the other, and both together make up one whole."
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Quotes-Count

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret

Funny thoughts-Cause

Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

Thoughts-The spoons

A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, "Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like."
The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, "I don't understand.
"It is simple" said the Lord, "it requires but one skill. You see, they have learned to feed each other. While the greedy think only of themselves.

Thought for the day-Happy

Usually people are as happy as they make their minds up to be.

Motivational thoughts-Solutions

Famous sexual quotes-Laugh

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's reading."
- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)

Funny thoughts-Doubt

When in doubt, do what the President does. Guess.

Humor quotes from the old folks

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself : 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

Inspirational Quotes-Accept

Short quotes-Reality

Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.

Thoughts-Seasons

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.
The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer and the fourth son in the fall.
When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.
The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent and twisted.
The second son said, no, that it was covered with green buds and full of promise.
The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful. It was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.
The last son disagreed with all of them. He said it was ripe and drooping with fruit - full of life and fulfillment.
The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.
He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that comes from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

Sarcastic quotes-Read

If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed;
if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
- Mark Twain

Funny thoughts-Ambiguity

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Humor Quotes-Avoiding

Don't worry about avoiding temptation as you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill

Short love quotes-Avalanche

Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.

Thought for the day-Run over

Even if you are on the right track, you will get runover if you just sit there.